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Writing Samples
Band 5

Despite huge improvements in healthcare, the overall standard of physical health in many developed countries is now falling. What could be the reason for this trend, and what can be done to reverse it?

#improvements #healthcare #health #countries #reason #trend
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Today,
although
Linking Words
 there are numerous progress and development in science, technology and society in
human being
Suggestion
human beings
the human being
, the decline in citizens’
health
Use synonyms
 in rich nations has been an alarming issue.
Hence
Linking Words
, understanding reasons as well as
propose
Suggestion
proposed
 feasible solutions are necessary. Without a doubt, the main factors driving the drop-in standard of
health
Use synonyms
 is
lifestyle
Suggestion
a lifestyle
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, under pressure of working, almost residents, particularly in cities, have become workaholic. As a consequence, they have not enough time to enjoy proper meals replaced by fast food with high calories and obviously no balanced-diet.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 causes that there is more heart attack, high blood pressure and obesity cases due to a lack of exercises and sports. Another reason could be considered that daily habits have an influence on
people fitness
Suggestion
the person's fitness
person's fitness
a person's fitness
peoples' fitness
. While some adults are lazy in doing housework or walking, a lot of children have been addicted to online games, refusing outdoor activities. These not only waste their time and
money but
Accept comma addition
money, but
also
Linking Words
 leads to many kinds of diseases. To tackle these problems, it is essential to be
get
Suggestion
getting
 involvements of both individuals and governments. On the one hand,
first
Linking Words
 of all,
authorities
Suggestion
the authorities
 should raise awareness of citizens about
heathy
having or indicating good health in body or mind; free from infirmity or disease
healthy
healthier
 life through mass media. A good way to be provided that governments might organize wholesome social activities that encourage an engagement of people.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, individuals should prefer to eat organic food
instead
Linking Words
 of foods and dizzy drinks
praxis
Suggestion
Praxis
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, exercises and sports play a crucial role in human
health
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, the more practicing exercises and sports the healthier and fitness they acquire. All things considered, it is undoubted that lifestyle and working pressure are root causes that account for the fall in physical
health
Use synonyms
 standard. Unless authorities and
every one
all people
everyone
 share a collective responsibility, these
problem
Suggestion
problems
 could become more extreme.
Submitted by Scarlett on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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