IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money .Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life .discuss both the views and give your opinion.

Modern
Correct article usage
The modern
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 era demands every
somebody
Check wording
everybody
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to
Verb problem
apply
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have a suitable profession in order to sustain their livelihood. A section of the public believes that the work selected
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 should be comfortable and less stressful, even if it does not offer handsome pay,
whereas
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 others say that the higher
is
Verb problem
apply
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the salary,
more
Correct article usage
the more
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 luxurious and satisfactory
is
Verb problem
apply
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a person's life
.
Verb problem
is.
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 Here, I would discuss
the
Correct article usage
apply
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both notions.
To begin
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 with, money plays a vital role in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. Wealth can help to buy food, shelter and other major needs and desires of an individual.
For instance
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, a
low salaried
Use the right word
low-salaried
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 guy struggles to pay his electricity bills, house or apartment rent, child's fees and handle other expenses. Contrary to
this
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, a rich businessman doesn't even ponder twice
while
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 buying an expensive car as a birthday surprise for his offspring.
On the other hand
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, "money in hand cannot buy you happiness".
According to
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 the recent reports of
WHO
Correct article usage
the WHO
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, 68% of hypertension and depression patients hail from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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well off
Use the right word
well-off
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 families, which constitutes 6% of the global population.
Such
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 staggering reports clearly
depicts
Correct subject-verb agreement
depict
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 that high salary has just risen up the anxiety and pressure on the
wit
Check wording
mind
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.
For instance
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, a human pursuing his hobby as his occupation would be much more satisfied and happy than
the
Correct article usage
apply
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one who is rushed to get a burdensome
high salary
Use the right word
high-salaried
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 career, even if he is not paid much for it.
To conclude
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, in my opinion, money can help us by materialistic joy, but not inner peace and calmness. So, a career needs to be comfortable and more enjoyable rather than that breaking and worrisome, even if it offers
a
Correct article usage
apply
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less
penny
Check wording
pay
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 because health can buy us wealth
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 wealth cannot buy us health.

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language
Fix big mistakes in grammar and word choice. Use short, simple sentences. For example, change 'every somebody' to 'everyone' or 'every person'. Skip long phrases that seem hard to fit.
structure
Make a clear plan before writing. Use four parts: 1) give two views, 2) give your view, 3) give one or two clear examples, 4) end with a short conclusion that restates your view.
content
Use only facts or ideas that fit the topic. Do not use any wrong facts, or unclear numbers.
content
The essay tries to cover both sides and to show a view.
structure
There is a conclusion that states a view.
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