IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays newspapers publish information about the private lives of individuals. Some people think the government should maintain certain control over the information that gets published, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#newspapers #information #lives #individuals #people #government #control
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
At the outset of the new millennium, gazettes make public data about the personal lives of the folk. On
this
Linking Words
 basis, an intelligent question to raise is why should
government
Use synonyms
 either limit or monitor personal
information
Use synonyms
 which are published by newspapers? If we flip the coin of contrasting ideas, which side will substantiate itself
first
Linking Words
? People rallying support for the
first
Linking Words
 view argue
that albeit
Accept comma addition
that, albeit
, one of the main
newspapers duties
Accept comma addition
newspapers, duties
 is covering new events throughout the society, but under no circumstances should make known people personal details;
since
Suggestion
Since
, everyone in every
societies ranging
Suggestion
society, ranging
society ranging
 from children to adult citizens has their own privacy
;
Accept space
;
what is more, scarcely could journals substantiate their allegation; since, they have just received raw
information
Use synonyms
 by which
are provided
Suggestion
provides
 inauthentic resources and mostly without compelling evidence; thereby, it might have endangered people’s
honor
bestow honor or rewards upon
honour
. The passionate advocates of
second
Linking Words
 idea claim that not only should
government
Use synonyms
 authorities avoid imposing strict controls on the newspaper publishers’ activities, but
also
Linking Words
 they should encourage them to keep on their career in order to cover all the new news which are taken place all around the community;
since
Suggestion
Since
, if publishers had not come out popular people or
authorities private
Accept comma addition
authorities, private
information
Use synonyms
 people would not have come across their real personalities. Our former president is a case in point, if local newspapers had revealed his personal attitude the citizens would not have never voted for him Judging objectively, before discussion could be proposed, the idea of both views had to be understood among people. I personally believe that
government
Use synonyms
 should control over the publishers if they intend to hurt people’s
honor
bestow honor or rewards upon
honour
 deliberately.
to
Suggestion
To
 play the magic, one unique measure to take is
government
Use synonyms
 strive to both get across individuals to preserve their own personal
information
Use synonyms
 and impose charges as a penalty for those who bring out people privacy on purpose./
Submitted by Mehrnaz on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: