people all around the world seem to become more similar than different. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #world

These days that consumption of internet spreads around the

world it

Accept comma addition

world, it

seems that people become more similar in spite of their rationale differences. I will explain why in

this

essay.

Firstly

, because of

technology

enhancement the majority of people around the

world

have access to

internet

Suggestion

the internet

and

this

affects their lifestyle.

For

instance before

Accept comma addition

instance, before

spread

Suggestion

a spread

of using social media, many people follow their interests on limited media

such

television but

Accept comma addition

television, but

thanks to social media the

people

Suggestion

person's

awareness raised and now they can find their

favorite

something regarded with special favor or liking

favourite

role models and connect with them and they may apparently be similar to what they follow during the time.

Secondly

Suggestion

the advertisement

is improved in comparison to the past and the international brands can offer their products in many countries. So people with different culture are stimulated by same product and purchase them.

Finally

, boosting

technology

provide

suitable environment

Suggestion

a suitable environment

suitable environments

for artists who cannot travel through the

world

to share their art.

This

leads to people listen international

music

. It is generally accepted that

music

influence on

human’s mentality

Suggestion

the human’s mentality

hence

when people listen to the same

music

they will probably be similar in taste.

As a result

similarity between people is undeniable and

this

stems from

modern

Suggestion

the modern world

world

. It might be said that different culture and tradition deter people to become similar or language has more crucial impacts on personality which is caused people be different around the

world

Nevertheless in

Accept comma addition

Nevertheless, in

the age of

technology

people follow same

music

, fashion and role-

models

Accept comma addition

models, thus

models this

thus

technology

make

Suggestion

makes

them more similar compared to

past

Suggestion

the past

. To conclude, the effects of different culture, language and tradition

Suggestion

people’s life and

personality

Suggestion

personify

is acceptable. It seems to me the rate of spread

technology

has more power to make people similar.

Submitted by Lily Style on Sun Jul 05 2020

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Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

288 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

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people all around the world seem to become more similar than different. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

The length of vacation that employees enjoy each year varies from job to job. Do you think people should have the same number of holidays regardless of their occupation? Explain your answer.

Some people feel that the government should pay the costs of running universities so that a university education will be free for anyone who wants it. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

The most important function of music is that it helps people reduce stress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think about the best way to improve road safety is to make vehicles driver take a test every year.To what extent do you agree or disagree.

In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone apps becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages.