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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

There are many people who go to live in different countries. To what extent should people be allowed to move freely between countries and live where they choose? What are the benefits and drawbacks of this?

#people #countries #move
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Today, more and more
people
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 are moving to other countries , which can lead to demographic, economic and ecological issues. I do believe,
however
Linking Words
, that
people
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 are free to travel and move to wherever they want, but under certain conditions like making quotas of immigration in order to preserve the balance of
people
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, jobs and pollution in the
country
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.
To begin
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 with, thanks to new ways of working and thanks to low-cost plane companies,
people
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 are willing to settle down in other countries to make a better living, to try something new and better for them .
For example
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, after the Covid crisis, a lot of
people
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 wanted to go to live in the countryside or go to live in a sunny area of the planet.
Likewise
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, more and more young job seekers try to leave their home
country
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 to start a working experience abroad.
For instance
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, after graduating , young workers move to foreign countries like Australia to work as fruit pickers.
Although
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 moving to another part of the world sounds attractive , it can lead to many issues for the welcoming
country
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 ; More often,
people
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 move to big cities in order to find a job easily, which can sometimes, generate overpopulation and fluctuating unemployment
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
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 in the whole nation.
In addition
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, the movement of
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 is mostly made by plane, which is the most polluting way of travel. We may need to be careful of these consequences and the solution could be to quantify the amount of
people
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 moving.
For example
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, we could just make quotas to reduce the impact on the demography and on climate. In conclusion, whilst moving to another
country
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 is possible and attractive for more and more
people
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, I do believe that we need to be concerned by the risks that can be generated by
this
Linking Words
 kind of immigration, which can damage the climate and the demographic balance of the chosen
country
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.
Submitted by leared on

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Task Achievement
To enhance task response, ensure that all components of the question are addressed in depth. While your essay touches on the benefits and drawbacks of international movement, expanding on these points with more detailed examples and exploring the extent of people's right to move could provide a more thorough answer.
Coherence & Cohesion
To maintain a high level of coherence and cohesion, continue to use clear paragraphs and logical transitions between ideas. Consider varying your linking phrases more to showcase a wider range of linguistic skills.
Introduction
Your essay effectively starts with a clear stance on the issue, which helps guide the reader through your argument.
Specific Examples
You provided specific examples to support your points, such as the reference to young workers moving to Australia. This enriches your argument and makes your essay more convincing.
Structure
Good use of introductory and concluding paragraphs to frame your discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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