Nowadays a large amount of advertising aimed at children should be banned be¬cause of the negative effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#amount #children #be¬cause #effects

Magority

Suggestion

The majority

Majority

of companies that advertisement of products are targeted by children. Some

are argued

Suggestion

have argued

argue

that advertisements affect to children eagerly buy products. Especially, fast

food

and gadget

products marketing

Accept comma addition

products, marketing

through to the children.

Firstly

, marketing of fast

food

industry has been rapidly developing year by year.

Hence

, people have

quite busy lifestyle

Suggestion

quite busy lifestyles

a quite busy lifestyle

so could not care their children often. Some companies cleverly use that situation and promotion for children to buy own products. Busy parents allow to consume or children

desirely wants

Suggestion

desirely want

to choose fast

food

. In the result, children's eating habit has been changing and tend to overweight.

Therefore

, children is a main consumer of game

producer

Suggestion

producing

companies. New technology or new version of computer games are protested by children as well.

Thus

, that kind of companies aimed at children for producing new technology. Sometimes peer pressure

tend

Suggestion

tends

to negatively influence for youth.

Essentialy

Suggestion

Essentially

, that creates addiction or changing behave which younger generation. In conclusion,

variety

Suggestion

a variety

of companies that aimed at children to advertise their products

such

as fast

food

and gadget companies. All those

company

Suggestion

companies

advertisements might directly affect to

children

Suggestion

children's

habit and behaviour.

Therefore

, the companies should be responsible for their advertising

managent

the act of managing something

management

Submitted by nomio baganaa on Mon Jul 06 2020

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

196 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

vulnerability
impressionability
developmental stage
critical thinking
marketing tactics
dietary choices
childhood obesity
materialism
consumerism
parental control
consumption
advertising literacy
interpret
outright ban
economic repercussions
media outlets
ad revenue

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Nowadays a large amount of advertising aimed at children should be banned be¬cause of the negative effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

You participated in a public event organized at a local park. Write a letter to the event organizer. In your letter tell them some feedback about the event; explain what you particularly enjoyed; give some suggestions for improvement.

Developing countries require help offered by international organizations to ensure healthy and sustainable development. Some people think that financial aid is important. Others believe that practical aid and advice are more important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

With the increasing demand for energy sources of oil and gas, people should look for sources of oil and gas in remote and untouched places. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of damaging such areas?

These days, people work in more than one job, and often change career several times during their life. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

The obesity rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many developed countries. discuss some possible reasons for this problem and suggest solutions