Nowadays a large amount of advertising aimed at children should be banned be¬cause of the negative effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Magority
Suggestion
The majority
Majority
of companies that advertisement of products are targeted by children. Some
are argued
Suggestion
have argued
argue
that advertisements affect to children eagerly buy products. Especially, fast
food
and gadget
products marketing
Accept comma addition
products, marketing
through to the children.
Firstly
, marketing of fast
food
industry has been rapidly developing year by year.
Hence
, people have
quite busy lifestyle
Suggestion
quite busy lifestyles
a quite busy lifestyle
so could not care their children often. Some companies cleverly use that situation and promotion for children to buy own products. Busy parents allow to consume or children
desirely wants
Suggestion
desirely want
to choose fast
food
. In the result, children's eating habit has been changing and tend to overweight.
Therefore
, children is a main consumer of game
producer
Suggestion
producing
companies. New technology or new version of computer games are protested by children as well.
Thus
, that kind of companies aimed at children for producing new technology. Sometimes peer pressure
tend
Suggestion
tends
to negatively influence for youth.
Essentialy
Suggestion
Essentially
, that creates addiction or changing behave which younger generation. In conclusion,
variety
Suggestion
a variety
of companies that aimed at children to advertise their products
such
as fast
food
and gadget companies. All those
company
Suggestion
companies
advertisements might directly affect to
children
Suggestion
children's
habit and behaviour.
Therefore
, the companies should be responsible for their advertising
managent
the act of managing something
management
.
Submitted by nomio baganaa on

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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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