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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is import for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #choices #matters #food #clothes #entertainment #society #individuals #import #decisions
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It is believed that giving minors the opportunity to decide important matters
such
 as what they want to wear or eat would make people only concerned about themselves. From my point of view, allowing them to choose these aspects could improve their intelligence. Some people think that children should obey everything their parents tell them since they always want what is best for them. One reason behind
this
 could be that adults are aware of the threats and dangers out there. As juveniles are easily influenced by their surroundings, it is essential that the ones that are in charge of them, provide a safe environment.
For example
, surfing the internet for fun games could end up showing them advertisements for sex.
Consequently
, parental control on the internet should not be optional.
On the contrary
, permitting them to make their own choices, in my opinion, can have many advantages,
such
 as being more creative.
This
 could lead to a faster development of their brains and, perhaps, even being able to achieve higher academic grades
due to
 lateral thinking. One example could be having the opportunity to dress one way or another may help them discover who they really are and,
also
, create their own personality. When it comes to food, giving them the freedom to choose which nourishment or diet they want to follow may
also
 help them explore different flavours and cultures, enriching their knowledge. Weighing up both sides of the argument, I support the idea of giving children the chance to discover the world and who they are but always under adult supervision.
Submitted by lusitusi:) on

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task achievement
Add more specific examples or evidence to support your points. For example, you could discuss examples from psychology research or mention cultural comparisons where these concepts have been applied or studied.
task achievement
Ensure clarity in expressing your ideas. While the essay is clear, there is room for even greater depth and expanded exploration of both views for a more comprehensive understanding.
coherence cohesion
You can improve logical transitions between paragraphs or sections to smoothen the flow between contrasting viewpoints, which can enhance the coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion clearly present your stance and summarize the discussion effectively.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view by discussing both perspectives and includes your personal opinion.
coherence cohesion
You've used a good logical structure overall to convey your points. The essay flows logically from the introduction to the conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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