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Band 4

The world today is a safer place than it was a hundred years ago, and governments should stop spending large amounts of money on their armed forces. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#world #place #years #governments #amounts #money #forces
The peace of the earth has always been a challenging dilemma in any era which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
people
 struggle for it. In recent days, many
people
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that the
world
 is safer than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
last
 century and
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 government should invest more economically in the armed
force
Fix the agreement mistake
forces
show examples
.
this
 essay will disagree in part with the viewpoint and will offer
reason
Add an article
a reason
show examples
 for
this
 position It is undeniable that the
world
 today is a much more peaceful place than ever before. The
last
World
 War dates back nearly seventy years and, since 1945, no conflict has taken place in
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
countries
.
Thus
,
people
 have suggested that spending money on necessities within society
instead
 of
armed
Correct article usage
the armed
show examples
forces
 is more useful.
However
, It is a comment
believe
Replace the word
belief
show examples
 that the advancement of science and technology pose certain dangers to humans.
computers
Capitalize word
Computers
show examples
 that make robot more and more intelligent scatter
people
 the fear that one day they will conquer the earth.statistic
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 shown that the emergence of robots has become immensely popular and is an indispensable part in many filed especially science and industry. For these reasons, if one day the robots go out of control, the state of art
armarnent
Correct your spelling
armament
permanent
 could be the
onnnnly
Correct your spelling
only
lifebouy
Correct your spelling
lifebuoy
 for our civilization.
Moreover
, to some extent, potential threats from humans are likely to be the first priority.
this
 is very difficult, as even though no significant conflict has taken place in
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
countries
, they are still involved in the conflicts of other
countries
.
For example
, the US contribution
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the Iraqi war has only recently ended. For
such
 involvement of military
forces
 in foreign lands,
countries
 still need to have strong armed
forces
, in case they are needed.
Nevertheless
, there
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to be a huge amount of money to
stablize
Correct your spelling
stabilise
the the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social security with
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
lots
a lot
show examples
of police officers and weapons
as well as
 specialized equipment to protect the internal
countries
 In the final analysis, certain armed
forces
 are necessary for major
countries
 even though the
world
 is safer than a hundred years ago. They might need to intervene in conflicts in other
countries
 and
world
 peace is by no means assured for the future.
Besides
,other fields
also
 need to invest
resonable
Correct your spelling
reasonable
 to balance the economic
Submitted by Hoàng Thắng on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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