IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

A country’s first duty to its citizens is to protect them. Therefore, it is logical that defense should take up a significant proportion of the national budget. In what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Terrorism activities influenced by quite a few countries and funding organizations have sparked a constant threat to the lives of peoples.
Therefore
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, a growing number of individuals think it is considerably important to invest in military.
As a result
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, it will enhance the reputation of the armed forces and guarding of individuals.
To begin
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 with, in 1991 when cold war came to an end there was a gradual decrease in spending in defence forces.
However
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, in 2001 when terrorists attacked the World trade Centre by hijacking two planes. Due to,
this
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 criminal activity controversies enhanced and the United States of America began to considerably swell the budget of security forces, to guard its frontiers and locals.
Moreover
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, bombers targeted a number of other countries, that’s why it became need of the hour to protect the natives.
Consequently
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, every year a huge amount of money is paid out to safeguard nations and societies.
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, to protect the front lines it is the basic requirement to use advanced technologies, intelligence and armed forces with modern weapons.
For instance
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, when freedom fighting groups, including ISIS and Al-Qaeda started to establish bases in Pakistan. As a consequence, millions of people died in 15 years, there were several bombing attacks and gunman strikes and Pakistan spend a lot of money in the armed forces.
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, they were able to protect its nationals.
In addition
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, to
this
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 there are several local conflicts.
For example
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, racism in USA, insecurities due to religion in India, conflicts between Hutus and Tutsis etc.
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, to peacefully resolve
this
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 controversial issue, it is necessarily required to strengthen the police forces to protect dwellers. To conclude, there are desperados and indifferences due to religion, caste and colour. As a consequence, it is a workable solution to strongly build up our armed and police services to defend our territory and inhabitants.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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