IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Governments give lots of support to artists, even though some people think​ ​it is a waste of money that could have been spent better elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#governments #lots #support #artists #people #think​ #​it #waste #money
Many artists are well supported by their governments, but some feel that
this
 is a misuse of taxpayers’
money
.
Although
 many artists couldn’t continue to work without
this
 support, I feel that public
healthcare
Suggestion
health care
 is in more urgent need of the
money
. On the one hand, it is difficult for many arts institutions to generate profit, so without some help from the government, many theatres and other
such
 places may have to close. It is important that the government assists
such
 institutions so that they can continue to provide entertainment to the public.
For example
, there are many open-air concerts in the summer months in my
hometown which
Accept comma addition
hometown, which
 wouldn’t exist without the financial backing of the local council.
However
, I would argue that if these places were popular enough, they would be able to generate their own income.
On the other hand
, public hospitals all over the world are under financial strain. It would seem obvious that people’s health is of more importance than people’s entertainment, so
this
money
 should be given to hospitals to upgrade equipment and shorten waiting lists.
For instance
, Downshire Hospital in Ireland has blamed the lack of public funding for its shortage of nurses and available beds.
Therefore
, I feel that the
money
 given to artists should be redirected into the
healthcare
Suggestion
health care
 system. In conclusion,
although
 we may have fewer opportunities to enjoy the work of artists, I maintain that the
money
 should be put into hospitals because people’s health is a more worthy cause.
Submitted by juhi chopra on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: