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Band 7

Children can learn effectivel by watching television. Therefore they shol db eencouraged to watch television regularly at home an dat school. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#children #effectivel #television #shol #db #home #dat #school
Watching
TV
 as an impressive route for
children
 in order to learn should be considered, which is admitted by some, including me.
While
 the opponents believe that its demerits conquer in many aspects.
However
, both the profits and the dire consequences are negotiated here. Providing appropriate
TV
 programs for
children
 by experts in one of the most highlighted radices that
children
 should be encouraged to pursue
TV
 shows that are aimed their ages, which not only assist them to learn some personal etiquette but
also
 it is possible to fix some problems that they used to be encountered in different aspects. To illustrate, if they did not know how they should make connections with others, now it is feasible for them to learn it by being the audience of some
children
's programs.
Furthermore
,
TV
 can help them to find their interest and their potential in order to pursue them to enhance the probability of their flourishing. To make it more clear, they may understand some special issues better than others and owing to that they would be attracted to those special subjects more than the others, which is known as their talent.
On the other hand
, some claim that it is possible to sacrifice the
children
 if they follow some movies that are not proper for their ages,
whereas
 it can be controlled especially by the professional channels that are produced for
children
 of special ages.
Besides
 that addiction to watching
TV
 is another reason that some argue that
children
 should not watch
TV
. Indeed it can
also
 be addressed by scheduling their times and considering some other attractive hobbies,like sports and hanging out, in their schedule. In conclusion,
While
 some are of the notion that
children
 should not be encouraged to watch
TV
,in my point of view, its benefits,
such
 as learning necessary issues
as well as
 fixing their behaviours outweigh it in many dimensions.
Submitted by drpnima on

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coherence & cohesion
Aim to further develop logical connections between your ideas to enhance coherence. Consider using clearer signposting words or phrases to guide your reader through your arguments.
coherence & cohesion
Your essay is structured with an introduction and conclusion. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and main idea to improve readability.
task achievement
Ensure that the examples you provide are specific and directly support the points you're making. This will help in providing stronger support for your arguments.
task achievement
While your arguments are clear, try to elaborate more on each point with additional detail for greater depth and clarity.
coherence & cohesion
You have successfully included both an introduction and a conclusion which helps give your essay structure.
task achievement
You have demonstrated a complete response to the prompt by addressing both sides of the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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