Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #sense #competition #children #co-operate #adults

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Nowadays,

purpose

Suggestion

the purpose

of education being changed in Korea. There are some people who think that

competition

Use synonyms

in children should be made,

also

Linking Words

others believe that children who are taught to

co-operate

work together on a common enterprise of project

cooperate

as well as become more useful adults. There are advantages and disadvantages for both of the arguments.

To begin

Linking Words

with, what is good if a sense of

competition

Use synonyms

in children is made? They could

develope

make something new, such as a product or a mental or artistic creation

develop

themselves more and more as they learn and

study

Use synonyms

a lot to win from the

competition

Use synonyms

. To prove

this

Linking Words

, in Korea, it is popular - even common now- to have a tutor who

come

Suggestion

comes

student's house

Suggestion

the student's house

to teach extra pieces of

study

Use synonyms

with paying a lot of money. They learn faster what they learn at school.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, during the vacations, students

study

Use synonyms

abroad to learn English for a month

instead

Linking Words

revise

Suggestion

revising

school work. If they have experiments

such

Linking Words

study

Use synonyms

abroad, it is one of the greatest plus

point

Suggestion

points

to go to the famous well-known

highschool

Suggestion

high school

Moreover

Linking Words

, there are four big school exam and two national examinations to test

students' level

Suggestion

the students' level

of studies. Generally, only the highest 40% can go to

the good

Suggestion

the best

quality

highschools

Suggestion

high schools

and colleges. Children learn as much as they, can to win the

competition

Use synonyms

to obtain good quality schools.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, as they are busy to enter the schools and

study

Use synonyms

individually with their own tutors, there are problems. They become selfish. They become careless and don't help others

alot

give out

allot

if it is about studies. There will be no co-operations for them.

Then

Linking Words

, why are there companies for many people

to work

Suggestion

work

in? Each of them are clever,

however

Linking Words

, there are weak parts and strong parts of each person. To co-operate is to improve

this

Linking Words

part. People talk and listen to what others thinking of and learn. That could

also

Linking Words

be a great opportunity to learn

instead

Linking Words

of learning

alone

with a forward motion

along

with one teacher. In conclusion, I strongly agree with that children should be taught to

co-operate

work together on a common enterprise of project

cooperate

rather than compete. Nobody is perfect. People learn together, work together to develop each other.

Therefore

Linking Words

, I want parents and teachers to educate children concentrating on co-operation, not compete and ranking them.

Submitted by P Patel on Sun Jul 12 2020

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

362 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

encourage
compete
cooperate
useful
adults
skills
motivation
drive
resilience
failure
workplace
empathy
social skills
reduce
stress
pressure
balanced
approach
ideal

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Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Many, small local shops are closing as they are unable to compete with large supermarkets in the area. How does thsi affect local communities? How could this situation be improved?

Some people think that younger people are not suitable for important positions in government. Others think that it will be a good idea for younger people to take on these positions. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some believe that nuclear weapons benefit the world at large. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries, people are not living longer the ever before. some people say an aging population, create problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if he has more elderly people. To what extent to the advantages of having an Asian population outweigh the disadvantages.

Many people say that globalization and the growing number of multinational companies have a negative effect on the environment. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.