Some people think that media (newspapers) should publish information of people's private lives. While, others think newspaper should be controlled so that they don't publish news on people's lives. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many

people

Use synonyms

believe that in the newspaper,

people

Use synonyms

's personal life can be discussed

while

Linking Words

others argue that they should be stopped

Change preposition

from

show examples

publishing

such

Linking Words

information.

However

Linking Words

, I believe that the mass

media

Use synonyms

should be controlled by the government so that they respect the privacy of each individual and publish what is required. Let us delve deeper into

this

Linking Words

issue in the upcoming paragraphs. On the one hand, publishing news about artists and actors is good for their fans and followers. As the youth today considers sports persons, politicians and actors as their role

model

Fix the agreement mistake

models

show examples

, getting a glimpse of their personal activity is not harmful in any way. The difference between the

artists

Change to a genitive case

artist's

artists'

show examples

reel and real life can be depicted through

media

Use synonyms

and news.

For example

Linking Words

, if

Use synonyms

media

Correct article usage

the media

show examples

publish

Correct subject-verb agreement

publishes

show examples

the struggle behind the success of any celebrity, it will motivate the youth to work harder and achieve their goals.

Moreover

Linking Words

, we get to know the political leader's social activity through the

media

Use synonyms

which helps us to decide whether that politician is capable

to rule

Change preposition

of ruling

show examples

or not.

Conversely

Linking Words

, I believe that the public should not forget that

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

celebrities and politicians are

also

Linking Words

human beings who deserve some privacy. First of all, Invading

people

Use synonyms

's personal growth can lead to insecurities. As many public figures have opponents and enemies, publishing private information can have detrimental effects on their careers.

For instance

Linking Words

, Sushant Singh, a Bollywood celebrity committed suicide after being in a depression for several months because

Use synonyms

media

Correct article usage

the media

show examples

published his personal activities.

Therefore

Linking Words

, the

overall

Linking Words

productivity of the artist will increase when there is no

such

Linking Words

conflict. In conclusion,

while

Linking Words

there are arguments in favour of mass

media

Use synonyms

, publishing

people

Use synonyms

's private

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

, I believe that the

media

Use synonyms

should not invade

people

Use synonyms

's privacy for

entertaining

Replace the word

entertainment

show examples

or profitable purposes, and the government should take action if

media

Use synonyms

publish any inappropriate content.

harpreet

Jul 14, 2020

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement

Your introduction presents your opinion clearly, but you could improve it by summarizing both sides of the argument more clearly.

Coherence and Cohesion

The flow of your ideas is generally good, but adding linking words like 'however', 'on the other hand', and 'for example' could enhance the flow further.

Task Achievement

You provided examples in your paragraphs, which is great. Try to include more specific examples to support your points in each paragraph.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay is well-structured with clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point.

Task Achievement

You have successfully highlighted a relevant current event to emphasize your argument, which adds depth to your essay.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

306 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Today the vast majority of people who want to work have to leave their homes and leave their friends and relatives. In my opinion,in this question, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages and I am going to prove it.
6
band
Many supermarkets sell more and more imported food products than ones produced in their home country. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?
There are many advantages and disadvantages to markets importing more shipped products than the ones they produce in their nation. This essay will discuss the drawbacks and the benefits of selling imported foods and why people should avoid depending on them all the time.
6.5
band
Some parents are thinking about the advantages and disadvantages of having an au pair. discuss some advantages and disadvantages and give your opinion about the au pair domesctic services.
Having an Au Pair or not is a question that many families are asking themselves nowadays. While some agree with this service, others prefer to take care of their children on their own. I agree with domestic care services; analyzing both advantages and disadvantages I will explain my position on the matter.
7.5
band
In the 20th century, contact between many different parts of the world has developed rapidly through air travel and telecommunications. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
In the modern world connections between various parts of the world have enhanced rapidly through air travel and long-distance communications. One of the benefits is doing tasks and making connections much faster and another positive point is the convenient way to make connections, on the other hand, environmental issues and the high cost of travel are negative points of this topic, but in my opinion, the benefits outweigh the negative points.
6
band
To meet the growing need for food to support an increasing population, a country should make use of edible insects as a food source. However, some people believe that insects are not only unhealthy but harvesting them will also negatively affect nature. What are the benefits and drawbacks of eating insects? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Food is the substance we eat every day for energy and strength. where some governments believe humans should consume insect-based meal because of the increasing population and shortage of foodstuff. While others think insects are not good for health and are also harmful to nature. This essay will elaborate on the cons and pros of consuming insects.

Some people think that media (newspapers) should publish information of people's private lives. While, others think newspaper should be controlled so that they don't publish news on people's lives. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Many supermarkets sell more and more imported food products than ones produced in their home country. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

Some parents are thinking about the advantages and disadvantages of having an au pair. discuss some advantages and disadvantages and give your opinion about the au pair domesctic services.

In the 20th century, contact between many different parts of the world has developed rapidly through air travel and telecommunications. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?