Some people think that media (newspapers) should publish information of people's private lives. While, others think newspaper should be controlled so that they don't publish news on people's lives. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many

people

Use synonyms

believe that in the newspaper,

people

Use synonyms

's personal life can be discussed

while

Linking Words

others argue that they should be stopped

Change preposition

from

show examples

publishing

such

Linking Words

information.

However

Linking Words

, I believe that the mass

media

Use synonyms

should be controlled by the government so that they respect the privacy of each individual and publish what is required. Let us delve deeper into

this

Linking Words

issue in the upcoming paragraphs. On the one hand, publishing news about artists and actors is good for their fans and followers. As the youth today considers sports persons, politicians and actors as their role

model

Fix the agreement mistake

models

show examples

, getting a glimpse of their personal activity is not harmful in any way. The difference between the

artists

Change to a genitive case

artist's

artists'

show examples

reel and real life can be depicted through

media

Use synonyms

and news.

For example

Linking Words

, if

Use synonyms

media

Correct article usage

the media

show examples

publish

Correct subject-verb agreement

publishes

show examples

the struggle behind the success of any celebrity, it will motivate the youth to work harder and achieve their goals.

Moreover

Linking Words

, we get to know the political leader's social activity through the

media

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which helps us to decide whether that politician is capable

to rule

Change preposition

of ruling

show examples

or not.

Conversely

Linking Words

, I believe that the public should not forget that

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

celebrities and politicians are

also

Linking Words

human beings who deserve some privacy. First of all, Invading

people

Use synonyms

's personal growth can lead to insecurities. As many public figures have opponents and enemies, publishing private information can have detrimental effects on their careers.

For instance

Linking Words

, Sushant Singh, a Bollywood celebrity committed suicide after being in a depression for several months because

Use synonyms

media

Correct article usage

the media

show examples

published his personal activities.

Therefore

Linking Words

, the

overall

Linking Words

productivity of the artist will increase when there is no

such

Linking Words

conflict. In conclusion,

while

Linking Words

there are arguments in favour of mass

media

Use synonyms

, publishing

people

Use synonyms

's private

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

, I believe that the

media

Use synonyms

should not invade

people

Use synonyms

's privacy for

entertaining

Replace the word

entertainment

show examples

or profitable purposes, and the government should take action if

media

Use synonyms

publish any inappropriate content.

harpreet

Jul 14, 2020

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Task Achievement

Your introduction presents your opinion clearly, but you could improve it by summarizing both sides of the argument more clearly.

Coherence and Cohesion

The flow of your ideas is generally good, but adding linking words like 'however', 'on the other hand', and 'for example' could enhance the flow further.

Task Achievement

You provided examples in your paragraphs, which is great. Try to include more specific examples to support your points in each paragraph.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay is well-structured with clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point.

Task Achievement

You have successfully highlighted a relevant current event to emphasize your argument, which adds depth to your essay.

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

306 words

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Some believe that money for education should mainly be spent on better computers while others believe it would be better spent on teachers. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people say that now we can see films on our phones or tablets there is no need to go to the cinema. Other say that to be fully enjoyed, films need to be seen in a cinema. Disucss both these view and give your own opinions.