Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

People
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have experienced a lot of
diseases
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due to
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their lifestyles and genetics. These days, it is said that some
people
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avoid going to their regular check-ups because they prefer to find other solutions for their illnesses. What I believe is that there are several detrimental effects if we do not pay enough attention to regular check-ups, and I am going to elaborate on
this
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in the following. On the one hand, medical science has improved a lot recently. There are various modern methods for preventing and curing
diseases
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.
Doctors
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all around the world try so hard to stay updated and evaluate different factors in blood tests, which contribute to dangerous
diseases
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. Not only do they give amazing advice for improving lifestyles, but they will
also
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prescribe the right amount of medicine if necessary.
As a result
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, they can help
people
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get treatment early and increase their longevity.
Moreover
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, using other alternatives like herbal remedies might bring adverse effects. Some of them cause irreversible damage to our bodies because they are offered by non-professionals.
Therefore
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, when the correct dosage is not determined,
people
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tend to use it constantly.
Consequently
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, their health might be at risk.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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believe that having regular visits to
doctors
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has been very time-consuming and costly. They always search for other ways to recover after suffering from each disease.
Hence
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, sometimes they find solutions which are cheap and more accessible for them.
Furthermore
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, some
people
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think that they can cure themselves by engaging in spiritual activities, which lead to better health. They participate in different classes which are related to
this
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subject.
Consequently
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, they don’t follow their medical routines. In conclusion,
although
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visiting
doctors
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is very difficult for some levels of society,
doctors
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can inform us about general health and the early stages of dangerous
diseases
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. I recommend that the government allocate more budget to improve the healthcare system in order to encourage more
people
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to use
this
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service.

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task response
State your view clearly in the intro and keep it for the whole essay.
coherence
Use more linking words to show how ideas relate.
content
Add more clear examples for each main point.
grammar
Check grammar and sentence form, keep simple and correct.
structure
End with a short, strong summary that restates your view.
content
The essay has a real idea about regular check-ups and how people avoid them.
structure
It uses a two-paragraph layout with intro and conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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