IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people thinks that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money coukd be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do do agree with this view

#people #government #money #arts #coukd
Although
, few people
thinks
Suggestion
think
 that
government
 is not spending
money
 properly, as they spent
money
 on
arts
Suggestion
the arts
 which could be useful in other sectors. While in my opinion
government
 is doing the right thing
that is
 promoting arts, Arts helps us in many
ways
Accept comma addition
ways, for
for instance
, it
help
Suggestion
helps
 humans to become more observant, as well as it helps us to reduce stress.
Firstly
, Arts help us to maximize our brain
activities
Accept comma addition
activities, for
for example
, when we attend arts and sculptures our brain start observing which stimulates the brain activities.
Secondly
, Arts
also
 help us to reduce stress
i
objective form of "I"
me
I
.e.
when
Suggestion
When
 we visit
museum
Suggestion
museums
the museum
a museum
 and explore many historical things we starting to forget out problems and more focused on the items which we are seeing, which is a great activity to reduce stress.
Thirdly
,
arts
Suggestion
the arts
also
 help us to become more and more observant.
Lastly
, Arts makes us
more keen
Suggestion
more keenly
 and helping us to grow problem solving skills, as its tune our mind differently and letting us see the other side of the picture. Even though, we have many advantageous things about Arts that we have discussed earlier, minority of the people still thinks that the amount which our state is investing on arts should be spent somewhere else other than arts, like projects related to science and
technology
, they might think that arts is not as important as science and
technology
 for them, they may
also
 think that arts is old fashioned and lesser people are attracted towards arts and if our
government
 makes investment in other sectors which provide future opportunities are more beneficial;
Furthermore
, they thinks that if our state funding
money
 on science and
technology
, it will make their life more easy, as
technology
 helps them to communicate easily. To conclude
this
 Arts helps us to be more focused and increase our problem solving skills and
government
 should continue putting
money
 of Arts.
Submitted by Hospitality alive on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: