There are many different types of music in the world today.Why do we need music?Is the traditional music of a country more important that the international music that is heard nowadays?

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Introduction

this

Linking Words

contemporary world, copious varieties of

music

Use synonyms

available.

This

Linking Words

essay will explore that why

music

Use synonyms

is necessary and

then

Linking Words

it will address the question of which

music

Use synonyms

is more essential traditional or international

that is

Linking Words

in trend now.

Body paragraph 1

First

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of all,

music

Use synonyms

plays

crucial role

Suggestion

a crucial role

in everyone's life.Listening

music

Use synonyms

has

myriads

Suggestion

myriad

benefits,

such

Linking Words

as it would cure health related problems.

For instance

Linking Words

, a survey has revealed that, a group of people who were suffering from depression0, improved their mental illness by

music

Use synonyms

therapy.Soothing melody gives peace

Suggestion

mind.By listening

favorite

something regarded with special favor or liking

favourite

songs, people feel rejuvenated.

Secondly

Linking Words

music

Use synonyms

is vital in

entertainment field

Suggestion

the entertainment field

For example

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, without

Use synonyms

music dance

Accept comma addition

music, dance

is impossible.Choreographer

arrange

Suggestion

arranges

dance steps according to the rhythm of the song.There are various dance forms which are based on different

music

Use synonyms

.In consequences

music

Use synonyms

is essential for human.

Body paragraph 2

Regional

music

Use synonyms

has

it's

of a thing, of it; possessive form of "it"

its

own impacts.It gives

sense

Suggestion

a sense

the sense

of belongings.To

illustrates

Suggestion

illustrate

, cultural

music

Use synonyms

represents history, nature, importance and

language

Suggestion

the language

male possessive pronoun

his

region.People would get attached to their roots by traditional

music

Use synonyms

On the contrary

Linking Words

, western

music

Use synonyms

is temporary.People listen that for some time

then

Linking Words

forget it.There is no lyrical significance in

such

Linking Words

trending songs.Foreign

music

Use synonyms

's tone usually at very high pitch, sometimes it is annoying due to

this

Linking Words

.Elder people never prefer to

listen

perceive (sound) via the auditory sense

hear

this

Linking Words

Hence

Linking Words

, in spite of listening international

music

Use synonyms

, country

music

Use synonyms

is more preferable owing to

it's

of a thing, of it; possessive form of "it"

its

vast benefits.

Conclusion

In conclusion,

music

Use synonyms

has tremendous advantages in everyone's life so, it is required.

Besides

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, I believe traditional

music

Use synonyms

make

Suggestion

makes

alive our

culture

Suggestion

culture, thus

thus

Linking Words

, it is more valuable than international

music

Use synonyms

vishwa sagar

Jul 16, 2020

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

5.0

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

250 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

emotional release
cultural significance
globalization
cultural exchange
technology
preservation
cultural heritage
social cohesion
expression
consumption
production
traditional music
international music
diversity
identity

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Some people think that mental strength is more important for success in sport. Some believe physical health is more important. Discuss both view and give your opinion.