IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

The young today spend a large amount of their leisure time in shopping centres. It is feared that this could have a negative influence on the young and society. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this view?

#amount #leisure #time #centres #influence #society
The pie graph shows the ratio of Australian school students, and what did they choose to do after their completion of secondary schooling, from the years from 1980 to 2000. In 1980, students choose to go for
further
 education by 50
% which
Accept comma addition
%, which
 was the highest, and in the
year
 1990 & 2000, the students chose somewhat similar
per cent
a proportion in relation to a whole (which is usually the amount per hundred)
percent
 of interest in pursuing
further
 education
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
.
e 38
Accept comma addition
E, 38
E 38
E 38
% and 37
% respectively
Accept comma addition
%, respectively
. Talking about
employment
, students in the
year
 2000 and 1990,  secured a  job which was  55% & 50%  respectively.
whereas
Suggestion
Whereas
, in the
year
 1980, two-fifths of the students got
employment
 which was less as compared to other years. In the
year
 1990, 12% of students were not able to find a job, which was still better, if we compare with the years 1980 & 2000, where the
employment
 rate was very less, standing at 10 - 8
per cent
a proportion in relation to a whole (which is usually the amount per hundred)
percent
 respectively which was the least. Overall, It was can be observed, that
employment
 rate was the highest in the 1990 & 2000years, followed by
further
 education by 50% in 1980. Whereas, the Unemployment rate was the lowest in the
year
 2000.
Submitted by Samiksha Singh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: