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Band 7

Environmental damage is a problem in most countries. What is the cause of this damage? What should be done about this problem?

#damage #countries
Over the past few decades, environmental damage has become a substantially significant topic in numerous nations that has triggered an untold
amount
 of debates among various folks.
Hence
, both prime causes, and sensible solutions will be discussed in the upcoming paragraphs. To commence with, there are criteria to cause the above-mentioned scenario first and foremost, intensive farming would have a detrimental effect on the environment
due to
 the loss of natural grassland dramatically increased in a vast majority of regions.
Secondly
, soaring the proportion of individuals who take advantage of their private car
instead
 of public transport regularly, precisely in urban cities plays a crucial part, not only in the rise of air pollution, but
also
 in the carbon dioxide emissions.
Furthermore
, the staggering
amount
 of packaged products could probably increase the
amount
 of man-made waste,
therefore
 would lead to global warming. There are,
however
, many implementations in tackling these
such
 as governments taking the lead by regulating the package goods industries in the same way. They did, and the alcohol and tobacco industries could give a hand to prevent dangerous effects on the ecosystem. Another feasible approach could be for the city councils to run an educational campaign to
further
 encourage society to use public transport to decrease the
amount
 of Solar travelers
Last
 but not least government could dedicate a low-interest loan to farmers, who cut their fossil fall utilization, and
as a result
,
this
 inspires them to come up with new ideas and use modern technology to reduce the environmental threat. All summed up, the necessities,
along with
 the attitudes and aptitudes connected to the topics clarified above could be recapitulated into the fact that a glance at the number of environmental damage demonstrates the importance of
this
 scenario and what can be done to prevent
this
 from happening.
Submitted by maryam.niknamm on

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task achievement
Your essay addressed the prompt, but could provide greater depth in analyzing the causes of environmental damage. Expand on the points, offering more detailed explanations and additional causes.
task achievement
Make sure to use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to outline the main point and ensure your ideas are comprehensive and well-explained. Avoid complex sentences if they compromise clarity.
task achievement
While relevant examples were mentioned, strive to provide specific instances or data to strengthen assertions and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issues.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure. Use cohesive devices appropriately to connect ideas within and across paragraphs. Avoid unexplained transitions.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present, but they can be improved. The introduction should explicitly present the topic and premise of the essay, while the conclusion should summarize the main points without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with relevant examples and sufficient elaboration. Be careful not to make sweeping statements without backing them up with specific information.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • industrialization
  • habitat destruction
  • urbanization
  • overpopulation
  • overexploitation
  • deforestation
  • biodiversity
  • waste management
  • fossil fuels
  • air pollution
  • climate change
  • renewable energy
  • sustainable agriculture
  • recycling systems
  • international cooperation
  • conservation
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