IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Many people think that every individual is responsible for their happiness, but some people believe that other external factors that influence us. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #happiness #factors #influence
People have different opinions about whether prosperity of a human depends on external factors or confined to the individual himself. While everyone is accountable for their cheerfulness, I believe that external conditions have a huge impact on people's joyfulness. Peace of mind in people's
life
 depends on how they prioritize the things around them. When people spend their time in their comfort zone, they would automatically be satisfied with their lives. Every
person
 has ups and downs in their lifetime, but one who knows how to tackle the problems is happier than those who gets puzzled in hard times.
For instance
, most of the sportsmen have to face hardships in their career and a few of them become successful because they handle the situation in a better way. Therefor, it is obvious that every character is in charge of pleasure in their lives.
However
, I opine that there are other external factors as well which contributes to enjoyment in a
person
's
life
.
Firstly
, everyone wants to live a stress free
life
 and for that there should be a permanent source of income.
That is
 why job security is of prime importance for a
person
. So, that he can cover all the expenses without facing any hurdles.
Secondly
, In the time of sorrow and happiness, everyone thinks that there should be someone so that they could share their feelings.
Therefore
, kith and kin become an indispensable part of a
person
's joy. These are some other factors which are accountable for the satisfaction of a human. In conclusion, I reiterate that relatives and job security are other crucial factors in a
person
's happy
life though
Accept comma addition
life, though
 how a
person
 manages all the things to live a happy
life
 depends on the individual.
Submitted by Vikas Dhanda on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: