IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Advances in technology and automation have reduced the need for manual labour. (opinion) Therefore, working hours should be reduced. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#advances #technology #automation #labour #hours
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The modern era has undergone a mammoth change. Where, in earlier times, all
work
Use synonyms
 had been done physically, todays, it is witnessing a huge difference. Putting the discussion in a wider context, the concept of decreasing labour hours due to
technology
Use synonyms
 advancement and automation, which often trim the manual labour,
has always been
Suggestion
had always been
 debatable.
This
Linking Words
 essay delves into the issue and expresses my viewpoints. There are manifold points to shore up my point of view.
Use synonyms
Technology
Suggestion
Technological
 progress and computerizing in an office
greatly augment
Suggestion
greatly augments
 the productivity of people and in return, staff can produce more output and can perform more efficiently.
Although
Linking Words
 workplace has too much burden of
work
Use synonyms
, it
can be minimize
Suggestion
can be minimized
 with
technology
Use synonyms
. To justify the same, there is an epitome of bank cashier. In the pre computer era, bank cashier had to
work
Use synonyms
 manually, check different ledger files, verify the person’s identity and
then
Linking Words
 pay
to
Suggestion
for
 a customer.
Besides
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, at the end of the day, he had to calculate all the transactions alone before leaving the office.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is no longer the case with the automation in the banking industry. A cashier can now serve 4-5 customers within 15 minutes and at the end of the day, the calculated is done with the banking software.
Hence
Linking Words
, reducing the
work
Use synonyms
 seems quite logical to me. To
further
Linking Words
emphasizing
Suggestion
emphasize
 my prospective, reducing working hour could be lucrative for employees to balance between personal and professional life. To illustrate, a person can spend quality time with the family at that free time.
As a result
Linking Words
, he
/
Use synonyms
she can lead a prosperous and stress free life.
Secondly
Linking Words
, a person can get
break
Suggestion
broken
 from his
/
Use synonyms
her monotonous routine.
Hence
Linking Words
, it enables her
/
Use synonyms
him to do
same
Suggestion
the same work
work
Use synonyms
 continuously.
Finally
Linking Words
, the organizations which remain opens 24
/
Use synonyms
7 like the hospitals, fire service and so on should implement
rostering system
Suggestion
a rostering system
the rostering system
 and use of
technology
Use synonyms
 as much as to reduce the manual
work
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 would not only enhance overall
productivity but
Accept comma addition
productivity, but
also
Linking Words
 establish the healthy and productive
work
Use synonyms
 environment. To recapitulate, considering everything, I personally believe that
working hours
Suggestion
the working hours
 of office employees should be
trimming
Suggestion
trimmed
 out. The reason is that
although
Linking Words
 staffs have multiple tasks, they are
enable
Suggestion
enabled
 to do more
work
Use synonyms
 per hour with the use of
technology
Use synonyms
. Guide about mistakes in detail and band
Submitted by Manpreet Kaur on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: