Some people dislike changes in their society and in their own lives, and want things to stay the same. Why do some people want things to stay the same? Why should changed be regarded as something positive?
Some
people
insist that the changing of the world provides a lot of benefits. However
, the other people
want to just stay in the past and do not want to accommodate in future. In my personal statement, both arguments are convincing. This
essay will explain both statements in detail.
According to
the former idea, innovations bring a variety of advantages to individuals. New technologies
make people
's lives more convenient. For example
, in the past time, when people
want to watch movies, we have to visit the cinema. However
, in modern society, individuals can see those movies whenever they want in their house with streaming services. Furthermore
, steaming services are even cheaper than movie tickets. If technologies
are not advanced, they have to wait to buy tickets and even have to suffer sold out.
On the other hand
, the latter insist that everything is changing significantly fast currently and it creates a lot of difficulty in their lives. Most of them are old people
who feel the burden of learning new technologies
, and their arguments are compelling because some of the technologies
are also
hard for the younger generation. For example
, when they need to purchase some goods, in the past, they just paid with paper money. However
, nowadays, they often encounter annoying obstacles called kiosks. Young people
also
find it hard to use this
payment method.
In conclusion, it is true that the development of technology offers many convenience in our lives. However
, there are people
who are experiencing inconveniences because of change.Submitted by cmw9101 on
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task achievement
Your essay starts with a balanced view on the topic, which is good. However, try to make the introduction more engaging and concise. Also, ensure to clearly outline what the essay will discuss.
task achievement
While your main points are clear and relevant, try to support them with more detailed examples or data. Avoid making broad statements without backing them up.
coherence cohesion
Organize your paragraphs better. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence followed by supporting sentences. Ensure the ideas flow logically from one paragraph to the next.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the main points, but it could be more impactful by restating the significance of the topic and offering a final thought or recommendation.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced view on the topic, discussing both sides of the argument.
task achievement
Your use of examples, such as the comparison between streaming services and traditional cinemas, helps to illustrate your points more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure overall, making it easy to follow your line of reasoning.
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