Some people dislike changes in their society and in their own lives, and want things to stay the same. Why do some people want things to stay the same? Why should changed be regarded as something positive?

#people #dislike #changes #society #lives

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Some

people

insist that the changing of the world provides a lot of benefits.

However

, the other

people

want to just stay in the past and do not want to accommodate in future. In my personal statement, both arguments are convincing.

This

essay will explain both statements in detail.

According to

the former idea, innovations bring a variety of advantages to individuals. New

technologies

make

people

's lives more convenient.

For example

, in the past time, when

people

want to watch movies, we have to visit the cinema.

However

, in modern society, individuals can see those movies whenever they want in their house with streaming services.

Furthermore

, steaming services are even cheaper than movie tickets. If

technologies

are not advanced, they have to wait to buy tickets and even have to suffer sold out.

On the other hand

, the latter insist that everything is changing significantly fast currently and it creates a lot of difficulty in their lives. Most of them are old

people

who feel the burden of learning new

technologies

, and their arguments are compelling because some of the

technologies

are

also

hard for the younger generation.

For example

, when they need to purchase some goods, in the past, they just paid with paper money.

However

, nowadays, they often encounter annoying obstacles called kiosks. Young

people

also

find it hard to use

this

payment method. In conclusion, it is true that the development of technology offers many convenience in our lives.

However

, there are

people

who are experiencing inconveniences because of change.

Submitted by cmw9101 on Tue Jul 23 2024

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task achievement

Your essay starts with a balanced view on the topic, which is good. However, try to make the introduction more engaging and concise. Also, ensure to clearly outline what the essay will discuss.

task achievement

While your main points are clear and relevant, try to support them with more detailed examples or data. Avoid making broad statements without backing them up.

coherence cohesion

Organize your paragraphs better. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence followed by supporting sentences. Ensure the ideas flow logically from one paragraph to the next.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion summarizes the main points, but it could be more impactful by restating the significance of the topic and offering a final thought or recommendation.

task achievement

You have provided a balanced view on the topic, discussing both sides of the argument.

task achievement

Your use of examples, such as the comparison between streaming services and traditional cinemas, helps to illustrate your points more clearly.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a logical structure overall, making it easy to follow your line of reasoning.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

253 words

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