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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Have you recently bought a mobile phone? Write a review about the phone explaining why you bought it, how easy it is to use and if you would recommend it to others.

#phone #review
When I lost my old
phone
, I decided to get a new
smart
Correct your spelling
smartphone
show examples
phone
. The
Iphone
Correct your spelling
iPhone
 11
pro
Capitalize word
Pro
show examples
 was the one that caught my eye for a number of reasons. First of all, I consider
this
phone
 to be excellent value for money
due to
 its high storage capacity, security functions and the quality of the camera. For me, the specs are as good as I would expect from much more expensive phones. Another reason is that it is small enough to carry in a pocket. I am not keen on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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large screen
Add a hyphen
large-screen
show examples
 phones.
However
, as far as I am concerned, the best thing about it is how easy it is to operate. Even if someone is fairly new with a
phone
, they would have no difficulty using it. Personally, I think that it suits my needs as I can check my emails, send text messages, listen to music and browse the Internet. All things considered, I believe that
this
phone
 is the best value
phone
 on the market for its price. I would recommend it as it seems to be both user-friendly and affordable.
Submitted by dang phuong thao on

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coherence cohesion
You did a good job explaining your points in a logical manner, however, try using more cohesive devices (on the other hand, furthermore, therefore, etc.), and vary them, to improve your coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
You did well on task response displaying a clear understanding of the task, and used relevant specific examples to support your point. Nonetheless, your arguments might benefit from more detailed elaboration where possible, so continue working on this aspect.
lexical resource
Your vocabulary is quite good, but aim to use a range of less common vocabulary and idiomatic language, which could increase your lexical resource score.
grammatical range
You've made a good display of various grammatical structures. However, to showcase a higher level of complexity, you could incorporate more complex sentences that contain several clauses.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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