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Tobacco, mainly in the form of cigarettes, is one of the most widely-used drugs in the world. Over a billion adults legally smoke tobacco every day. The long term health costs are high-for smokers themselves, and for the wider community in terms of health care costs and lost productivity. Do governments have a legitimate role to legislate to protect citizens from the harmful effects of their own decisions to smoke, or are such decisions up to the individual?

#tobacco #form #cigarettes #drugs #world #billion #adults #smoke #term #health #costs #high-for #smokers #community #terms #care #productivity #governments #role #citizens #effects #decisions
Many believe that governments should legislate the usage of
tobacco
 for their citizens,
while
 others think that
this
 is a decision to make on your own.
However
, I strongly believe that, as we are a society, the
autority
Correct your spelling
authorities
 should administrate
this
 issue. First and foremost, it is widely known the harmful effects cigarettes can have
among
Change preposition
on
show examples
 people, but adults still choose to use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
,
thus
 they
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 addicted. It is true that it may be a personal choice and even though it is a legal drug, the government is responsible for its citizens.
For instance
, it can legislate the usage of
tobacco
 by restricting it in some areas,
thus
discouranging
Correct your spelling
discouraging
 individuals
to smoke
Change preposition
from smoking
show examples
 all the time and
encouranging
Correct your spelling
encouraging
 them to take care of their health
instead
.
Secondly
, health costs related to smoking impact every citizen of the country.
Moreover
, emissions of CO2 resulting from cigarettes
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 global consequences and so
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 the costs of mitigating its consequences. So, as we all live as a community, every choice that may appear personal is in fact footprinting in every human being.
For example
, in France laws
restrinct
Correct your spelling
restrict
 the usage of
tobacco
 especially in
nationals
Change the noun form
national
show examples
 parks and
also
, they have very high taxes for
tobacco
 to discourage people
to smoke
Change preposition
from smoking
show examples
.
To sum up
, the
authorities
Change noun form
authority's
authorities'
show examples
responsabilities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
 are to establish laws that can mitigate the impact of harmful effects of smoking for its citizens,
along with
 the
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
 costs that result from it.
Submitted by catalinamaria.n on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a clearer logical structure. The main points are there, but they need to be organized in a more concise and logical manner. Consider using more transitional phrases to help with flow.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, and all sentences within the paragraph should support that main idea.
task achievement
You have addressed the prompt adequately, but there is room to delve deeper. For instance, you could discuss more on why individuals might believe it should be a personal choice, or explore other forms of government intervention.
task achievement
Strengthen your arguments with more specific and varied examples. For example, mention other countries with strict smoking laws and how they have impacted public health.
task achievement
Make sure your ideas are clearly stated and comprehensive. Some sentences were a bit unclear or abrupt. Proofreading can help catch these issues.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and reasonably well-defined. They provide a good opening and closing to your essay.
task achievement
You have made a solid attempt to include relevant and specific examples, such as the reference to France and its tobacco laws. This strengthens your argument overall.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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