IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports starts) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #entertainers #e #g #film #stars #pop #musicians #sports #money #job
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In fact, people who work in the entertainment industry get paid a significant amount of money. Personally, I fundamentally agree that entertainers are highly overpaid, Whereas, more important workers
such
Linking Words
 as doctors and teachers are relatively underpaid so it is imminent to address
this
Linking Words
 issue. Generally, entertainers bring a great profit to their corporation by attracting alot of fans, but, it is undisputable fact that they recieve profits more than they deserve,
For instance
Linking Words
, nowdays some famous footballers are paid more than 10 million annualy whatever you do i t is highly unfair to public to get that amount of money, because, all the society consumes a limited resources so when we have some people with that type of wealth we will automatically have others who are poor and suffering. In the same time, we have other more crucial occupants who are not payed as much as they should be
such
Linking Words
 as doctors and teachers,
For example
Linking Words
,doctors save lives, take care of our health and make our society function and keep going while, teachers build a new generations and prepare our youth to the real world they are the heart of every community and the key for progress.
Linking Words
Therefore both
Accept comma addition
Therefore, both
 of these two groups should have the highest salaries and should be treated with more respect by the both the government and the society because they are indispensable and great assets to us all. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 entertainment workers have a positive role in our world,
However
Linking Words
, their deficit of cash is negatively effecting normal human life, especially other workers who should be paid much more.
Submitted by Obada ALi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: