In recent years, there has been a considerable rise in crimes committed by young people in cities. What has caused this? What solutions can you suggest?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days, there has been a flood of crimes involving in many adolescents across the world. The main reason for
this
Linking Words
may be that young people are more frequently exposed to violence, sex, and drugs, and
punishment
Use synonyms
for them is too soft. In my opinion, effective solutions to
this
Linking Words
problem would be to reduce
such
Linking Words
exposures and to make the
punishment
Use synonyms
stricter. It seems that there are several contributing factors to juvenile crimes.
First
Linking Words
and foremost, the frequent exposures to criminal matters and acts via television, games, and the internet can drive them to behave violently in a real world. They are sometimes immature and inconsiderate resulting in committing crimes. Another cause may be a lack of effective
punishment
Use synonyms
. Light
punishment
Use synonyms
cannot function as a deterrent. Even if their crimes are vicious, punishments for them, at least in Japan, are much lighter than those of adults. In order to mitigate the issue of juvenile crimes, several remedies can be considered. As for the issue of the daily exposures, a stricter parental control and discipline can seemingly work out. Especially when children are small, they are easily influenced by external
stimulants including
Accept comma addition
stimulants, including
violence so that more
attentions
Suggestion
attention
should be required. In regard to insufficient
punishment
Use synonyms
, I believe, heavier
punishment
Use synonyms
is necessary at least in serious scenarios. The
punishment
Use synonyms
should not be about only education and rehabilitation but
also
Linking Words
deterrence to
further
Linking Words
crimes. In conclusion, an increasing number of crimes are attributed to everyday exposures to criminal matters and insufficient
punishment
Use synonyms
. It is essential to put children under a rigorous control and to arrange more appropriate
punishment
Use synonyms
so as to prevent
another
not the same one or ones already mentioned or implied
other
crimes.
Submitted by mia on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: