In many countries, people decide to have a child at a later age. Why is this? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #child #age #development

Since,

due to

vast changes in development and

people

, mindsets too, nowadays many

people

decided

Wrong verb form

decide

show examples

to give

birth

to a

child

after a certain

age

This

happens

due to

many reasons like

due to

their lifestyle in

todays

Change to a genitive case

today's

show examples

worlds

Fix the agreement mistake

world

show examples

or it could be "N" of possibilities.

Lets

Replace the word

Let's

Let us

show examples

discuss

this

topic and both pros and cons related to

this

Firstly

, In today's world as per the rapid development of a country

peoples

Change noun form

people's

show examples

life

also

changing.

This

Correct determiner usage

These

show examples

days

people

are more familiar with their own personal

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

and

due to

their busy

Fix the agreement mistake

schedules

show examples

schedule

Add a comma

schedule,

show examples

they decide to give

birth

to a

child

after a certain

age

. There are many advantages to

this

people

decide to have a

child

because they

wanted

Wrong verb form

want

show examples

to focus on their own

life

and due

many

Change preposition

to many

show examples

problems which they are facing. There

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

also

Correct article usage

a possibilities

show examples

possibilities

Fix the agreement mistake

possibility

show examples

that

people

wanted a joyful

life

they

can

Wrong verb form

could

show examples

easily roam here and there and

Add a missing verb

have a

show examples

tension free

Add a hyphen

tension-free

show examples

life

Secondly

, If a person decides to have a

child

at a later

age

, there are many disadvantages to it. Like they become older and

faces

Correct subject-verb agreement

face

show examples

many health problems. They will have to face many barriers

such

as the vast

age

gap between them, they don't understand the difference between

todays

Change to a genitive case

today's

show examples

generation and the generation which they have faced and

also

they might

cannot

Remove a modal verb

not

show examples

give basic modern needs to a

child

if they tend to decide a

child

birth

at a later

age

. So,

accordingly

better

Add a missing verb

is better

show examples

to give

birth

to a

child

at a certain

age

so they don't overweigh their own

life

Submitted by jay tank on Thu Jul 23 2020

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coherence cohesion

The essay lacks a clear and coherent structure, which makes it difficult to follow the writer's ideas. The introduction and conclusion are vague and do not effectively frame the discussion. The main points are not well supported with relevant examples and details.

task response

The essay does not fully address the given prompt. It fails to thoroughly explore the reasons why people decide to have children at a later age and does not effectively discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend. The response lacks depth and clarity, and the arguments are not well-developed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

258 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In many countries, people decide to have a child at a later age. Why is this? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

More and more people are opting for ready-made food instead of freshly cooked food. Do this development has more advantages over disadvantages.

In many countries, a financial crime involving identity theft is increasing. What are the causes of this trend, and what effects does it identity theft has on the victims involved?

Many people try to achieve success through their career or education. What can success mean to different people? What is your view of success?

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually empahsise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?