IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In many countries, people decide to have a child at a later age. Why is this? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #child #age #development
Since,
due to
 vast changes in development and
people
, mindsets too, nowadays many
people
decided
Wrong verb form
decide
show examples
 to give
birth
 to a
child
 after a certain
age
.
This
 happens
due to
 many reasons like
due to
 their lifestyle in
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
worlds
Fix the agreement mistake
world
show examples
 or it could be "N" of possibilities.
Lets
Replace the word
Let's
Let us
show examples
 discuss
this
 topic and both pros and cons related to
this
.
Firstly
, In today's world as per the rapid development of a country
peoples
Change noun form
people's
show examples
life
 is
also
 changing.
This
Correct determiner usage
These
show examples
 days
people
 are more familiar with their own personal
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and
due to
 their busy
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
show examples
schedule
Add a comma
schedule,
show examples
 they decide to give
birth
 to a
child
 after a certain
age
. There are many advantages to
this
,
people
 decide to have a
child
 because they
wanted
Wrong verb form
want
show examples
 to focus on their own
life
 and due
many
Change preposition
to many
show examples
 problems which they are facing. There
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
also
Correct article usage
a possibilities
show examples
possibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
possibility
show examples
 that
people
 wanted a joyful
life
 they
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 easily roam here and there and
a
Add a missing verb
have a
show examples
tension free
Add a hyphen
tension-free
show examples
life
.
Secondly
, If a person decides to have a
child
 at a later
age
, there are many disadvantages to it. Like they become older and
faces
Correct subject-verb agreement
face
show examples
 many health problems. They will have to face many barriers
such
 as the vast
age
 gap between them, they don't understand the difference between
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
 generation and the generation which they have faced and
also
 they might
cannot
Remove a modal verb
not
show examples
 give basic modern needs to a
child
 if they tend to decide a
child
birth
 at a later
age
. So,
accordingly
 it
better
Add a missing verb
is better
show examples
 to give
birth
 to a
child
 at a certain
age
 so they don't overweigh their own
life
.
Submitted by jay tank on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and coherent structure, which makes it difficult to follow the writer's ideas. The introduction and conclusion are vague and do not effectively frame the discussion. The main points are not well supported with relevant examples and details.
task response
The essay does not fully address the given prompt. It fails to thoroughly explore the reasons why people decide to have children at a later age and does not effectively discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend. The response lacks depth and clarity, and the arguments are not well-developed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: