IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people believe that the government should financially support retired people and others think that retired people should care for themselves.

#people #government #support #care
Some would argue that the
government
 should give
money
 to retired persons, while others would say that they should take care of themselves.
Although
 giving them
money
 creates a huge burden on
country's economy
Suggestion
a country's economy
the country's economy
, I believe that they should be given
money
 as they do not have any other
income
. On the one hand, some people think that giving
money
 to retired men and women creates burden on a
country
's financial status.
That is
 to say that the
government
 should spend a huge amount of
money
 to implement
this
 scheme, which eventually results in an increase in the amount of debts made by that
country
.
For instance
, a recent article published in TimesNow newspaper, which is renowned for its accuracy and fairness, stated that the debts of the USA increased by 10% in the year 2019, after they started implementing a similar initiative.
However
, I believe that they should be given
money
 as they had paid taxes while they were working.
On the other hand
, it is often believed that people whose work service is completed should be helped with
money
 as they do not have any
income
.
In other words
, People retire at an old age, and they find it difficult to do any other work at that age. So, it is the responsibility of the
government
 to take care of them.
For example
, a recent comprehensive
government
 survey in India found that more than 75% of the retired people in its
country
 have zero
income
. I believe
this
 school of thought is preferable because
government
 should take care of its citizens. In conclusion,
although
 providing
money
 to the retired persons affects a
country
's economy badly, I believe that they need
money
 to survive as they do not have any other source of
income
.
Submitted by Alex on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: