IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In many developing countries, children work in some form to bring in necessary income from an early age. In the first world, many people think this is damaging and wrong but others would argue that their work brings them a sense of contributing, belonging and responsibility. What is your opinion?

#countries #children #work #form #income #age #first #world #people #sense #responsibility
Earning the money is the responsibility of parents to brace domestic finance. There are some particular parents who choose to push their kids to work together.
However
, wealthy families are convinced
that is
 unnecessary for the children. Working is a straightforward approach for children to connect with the society. As the society is cruel to the children, they will coerce to rise. They will be cultivated various senses by undertaking the tasks in the workplace. Being labour does let the kids to enrich their experience and the reality.
However
, compared with poverty, children, both of them are extremely divergent. Children who families are desperate in need of income are inevitable to share the responsibility. To accumulate sufficient income can confront daily spending, these children abandon regular education. When they are not educated, it will bring negative consequences to the kids, crime and inappropriate behaviour will happen to them later on.
Conversely
, wealthy families reject to train their kids under assiduous environment. As their assets are enough for them to spend everyday consumption forever, they prefer their kids to accept higher education for their future.
In addition
, they consciously believe a sense of contributing, belonging and responsibility that can accumulate in another way.
However
, to possess an utter background is much essential to improve or maintain absolute living standards for them. In summary, I am consistent with the children working when they are growing. It is true that working conducts the children to grasp the senses, and they will enjoy strengthening.
Although
 children should be protected before they are mature, but experiencing different issues is an efficient and realistic method to educate the kids.
Submitted by Lee Emily on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: