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Do you agree or disagree that celebrities are paid far too much money?

#celebrities #money
Some
people
 think that famous
people
 are overpaid compared to other jobs nowadays. In my opinion, I totally disagree
this
Change preposition
with this
show examples
 statement and I will explain why it is worth paying much money to personalities in
this
 essay. There are some justifiable reasons why celebrities should be paid more money.
Firstly
,
although
 most of them might born with natural talent or skills;
however
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 only achieve a certain level. To become a
self - made
Correct your spelling
self-made
show examples
 celebrity, they need to foster it by
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
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 and experiencing
through
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apply
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a long harsh period.
Moreover
, in the fiercely competitive environment,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
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 the music or movies industry, there are very few
people
 who can reach the top levels only by talent, it requires both capability and
attractive
Correct article usage
an attractive
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 look with
purpose
Correct article usage
the purpose
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 of meeting
people
’s expectations in
this
appearance - driven
Correct your spelling
appearance-driven
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 society . Once
becoming
Wrong verb form
they become
show examples
 famous, they tend to be far away
with
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from
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 their family because
the
Change the word
their
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 busy
of
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apply
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work requires them to travel frequently,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is one of the factors
of
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in
show examples
 achieving fame.
Besides
,
well - known
Correct your spelling
well-known
show examples
people
 are often
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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under more pressure than others, they do not have privacy for the reason that paparazzi follow and photograph them anywhere at
anytime
Replace the word
any time
show examples
,
then
,
whatever
Correct word choice
and whatever
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 they do is all public in the media. Commonly , the bad news always
catch
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catches
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 more attention than the good one, so the truth sometimes might be distorted.
As a result
, those renowned
people
 probably face
with
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apply
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criticism from public opinion,
this
 tidal wave can
depresses
Change the verb form
depress
show examples
 them and negatively affects
on
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apply
show examples
their thoughts,
action
Correct word choice
and action
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, especially now,
the
Correct word choice
that the
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 number of celebrities committing suicide
due to
 depression is alarming . Some cases of suicide
such
 as a
kpop
Correct your spelling
K-pop
 singer - Sulli,
a
Correct word choice
and a
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member of Linkin Park - Chester Bennington are obvious examples. In conclusion, to become famous and successful, celebrities have to sacrifice their free lives, other relationships, and lots of things
as
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for
show examples
 the price of fame, which involve high risk and responsibility.
Therefore
, they deserve a high income for their effort, suffering and dedication.
Submitted by Bui Nhat Uyen on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, and provide a clear topic sentence for each paragraph.
task achievement
Clearly address all parts of the task and fully develop your ideas. Support your points with relevant examples and details.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • lucrative
  • revenue
  • sponsorships
  • merchandise
  • career longevity
  • market demand
  • economic contribution
  • role models
  • influence
  • entertainment industry
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