IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries today, people buy a range of household goods( television, mircowave, oven and rice cookers). Is it a positive or negative development?

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In the modern era, most families buy a lot of household appliances for their house to help with housework. The writer of
this
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 essay argues with
this
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 notion that it can help
people
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 save a lot of
time
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as well as
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 improve their
knowledge
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 in various fields. It is vital to understand that technological devices can help humans make major career shifts by saving a lot of
time
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. To put it simply, in the foreseeable future,
people
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 will spend money buying numerous modern gadgets to make a complex and cutting-edge system aim for do not waste much
time
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 on housework.
For instance
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, nowadays, some households have a rice cooker which can cook rice automatically
instead
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 of spending many hours adjusting the temperature.
In addition
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, an oven can help humans with barbecuing meat without fired. Another reason why families purchase a vast number of household appliances is how
people
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 can receive
knowledge
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 around the world from modern devices.
In other words
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,
people
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 can research how to use the modern gadgets in a correct way.
For example
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, some young children can improve their
knowledge
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 by watching programs on television.
Furthermore
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, some olders can relax and be entertained by listening to music or news on the radio. In conclusion, spending enough money on technological devices
due to
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 their benefits helps
people
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 reduce
time
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 wastage on housework
as well as
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people
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 gain large of
knowledge
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 and entertainment.

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task achievement
Your essay satisfactorily addresses the task prompt, and you present a reasoned argument for the benefits of using household gadgets. However, further elaboration on the negatives could increase task achievement and make the essay more balanced.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure that all sentences within a paragraph logically develop the main idea. For instance, the transition between technological devices saving time and making career shifts could be clearer.
task achievement
Provide more precise and varied examples to support your main points. This will help to illustrate your arguments better and make them more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
You provide a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your essay well, creating a cohesive structure.
task achievement
The main points presented are relevant to the task prompt and show a thoughtful consideration of the benefits of household devices.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a good effort to explain how household appliances can save time and provide entertainment, which adds depth to your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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