The maps depict current structures of Islip town center and future look after planned developments are applied.

#maps #structures #islip #town #center #future #developments

The two pie charts illustrate the

energy

usage of an average household and

greenhouse

gas

emission

Fix the agreement mistake

emissions

show examples

from

this

usage, in Australia. Units are in percentage and there are six categories; namely heating,

water

heating, refrigeration, cooling, lighting and other appliances.

Overall

energy

consumption caused by heating is the highest, but heating

water

releases the most

greenhouse

gas

. The cooling processes are the lowest for both of these parameters. When examined closely,

energy

Add an article

the energy

show examples

cost of heating is 42% of the total

energy

used, followed by

water

heating, which is at 30%.

Energy

consumed by cooling and lighting

are

Change the verb form

show examples

significantly lower than

other

Change preposition

in other

show examples

categories, at 2% and 4%, respectively.

On the other hand

greenhouse

gas

emission caused by

water

heating is %32 of the total. With the addition of heating and cooling, they released

Remove the article

apply

show examples

half of all the

greenhouse

gas

. The

emisson

Correct your spelling

emission

mission

of other appliances is placed

second

at 28% of the total.

Finally

, cooling is the lowest

greenhouse

releaser, at 3% of the

overall

gas

emisson

Correct your spelling

emissions

emission

Submitted by jap on Tue Jul 28 2020

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".

▼

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.

Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, greenhouse, gas, water with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.

▼

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

166 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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