The maps depict current structures of Islip town center and future look after planned developments are applied.

The maps depict current structures of Islip town center and future look after planned developments are applied.
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The two pie charts illustrate the
energy
Use synonyms
usage of an average household and
greenhouse
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gas
Use synonyms
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
from
this
Linking Words
usage, in Australia. Units are in percentage and there are six categories; namely heating,
water
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heating, refrigeration, cooling, lighting and other appliances.
Overall
Linking Words
,
energy
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consumption caused by heating is the highest, but heating
water
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releases the most
greenhouse
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gas
Use synonyms
. The cooling processes are the lowest for both of these parameters. When examined closely,
Use synonyms
energy
Add an article
the energy
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cost of heating is 42% of the total
energy
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used, followed by
water
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heating, which is at 30%.
Energy
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consumed by cooling and lighting
are
Change the verb form
is
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significantly lower than
other
Change preposition
in other
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categories, at 2% and 4%, respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
emission caused by
water
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heating is %32 of the total. With the addition of heating and cooling, they released
a
Remove the article
apply
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half of all the
greenhouse
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gas
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. The
emisson
Correct your spelling
emission
mission
of other appliances is placed
second
Linking Words
at 28% of the total.
Finally
Linking Words
, cooling is the lowest
greenhouse
Use synonyms
releaser, at 3% of the
overall
Linking Words
gas
Use synonyms
emisson
Correct your spelling
emissions
emission
.
Submitted by jap on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, greenhouse, gas, water with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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