IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many people say that the only way to guarantee a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. Discuss

#people #guarantee #job #course #university #education #work #school #gain #world
Education
 is one of the most important features
for
Suggestion
in
 one's life and many think that after graduating from secondary
education
 it's better to start working and
gain
experience but
Accept comma addition
experience, but
 others think that after under graduation or post graduation it helps people to
gain
 better
work
.
However
 many people say it's better to
gain
work
experience
 after graduating from the
university
 because they have better knowledge and good command
on
Suggestion
of
 the
work
 they wanted to pursue.
However most
Accept comma addition
However, most
 of the organizations or companies want to recruit employees according to their standard of
work
, skills and most importantly their
education
Suggestion
educational
 qualification.
For
instance if
Accept comma addition
instance, if
 student A applies for a job the organization feels that they are worthy of that
job but
Accept comma addition
job, but
 due to their
education
Suggestion
educational
 qualification they were rejected.
Moreover
Accept comma addition
Moreover, university
university
 graduation is very helpful to the students because companies guarantee those students with the job opportunities make contracts with them for a few years.
This
 will not only help students for getting
jobs but
Accept comma addition
jobs, but
also
 helps them to
gain
 knowledge from the organization they have worked for.
On the other
hand when
Accept comma addition
hand, when
 students think it is better to start doing
work
 right after their secondary
education
,
Accept space
,
 there are many drawbacks
such
 as, they are not equally paid as the
university
 graduates,
secondly
 they don't have any working skills and most importantly they don't have
required qualifications
Suggestion
the required qualifications
.
Initially
 they enjoy working in their respective fields but later on when they want to pursue or explore different fields they feel very depressed as mostly all the companies recruit employees with
good
Suggestion
better
, standard and quality
university
education
 rather than recruiting by normal
work
experience
.
Likewise
 it is better to
gain
work
experience
 after graduating rather than gaining
work
experience
 with just secondary
education
.
Submitted by akshay yerabati on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: