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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many major cities around the world have become too expensive for lower-income people to reside in. What problems can this cause and how could they be addressed?

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Introduction
The cost of living in metropolitan
cities
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 is very high
Linking Words
due
Punctuation problem
, due
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to
Change preposition
for
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which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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people
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 with lesser earnings find difficult to sustain
there
Correct pronoun usage
themselves there
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. The major
problem
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this
Linking Words
 issue can cause is that
people
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 who belong to the labour class would stop coming to these
cities
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, and
this
Linking Words
 issue can be resolved if a state
government
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support
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 them by providing free accommodation.
Body paragraph 1
The
problem
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causes
Wrong verb form
caused
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from
Change preposition
by
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 the high cost of living is that the
people
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 who have low income are not finding it suitable to reside in urban
cities
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, and,
Linking Words
thus
Punctuation problem
thus,
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 lack in labour force. A person who earns Rs 10,000 per month cannot afford the rent in
cities
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 like Mumbai, where
1
Correct article usage
a 1
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BHK starts from
minimum
Correct article usage
a minimum
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Rs
Change preposition
of Rs
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 25,000.
For instance
Linking Words
, in a recent survey done by the Times of India, it
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 found that basic necessities like rent, food, and commutation cost over Rs 15,000 per month in Mumbai, which doesn't
support
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 a person whose salary is 20,000 or below.
Body paragraph 2
This
Linking Words
problem
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 can be solved
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the
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government
Check wording
government's
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support
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. A
government
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 should provide free accommodation and some allowances for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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low-income
people
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. These benefits from the state
government
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 or local authorities will help
such
Linking Words
people
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 to have a sustainable life, which will ultimately benefit
to
Change preposition
apply
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a
Correct article usage
the
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 state's economy.
For example
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 the lesser number of daily wagers,
Delhi
Correct article usage
the Delhi
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government
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,
last
Linking Words
 year, has decided to give incentives to attract the majority of
this
Linking Words
 class.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the expensive living in major
cities
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 around the world makes
difficult
Correct pronoun usage
it difficult
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 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
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 with lower earnings to survive.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, they prefer to move back to their native place or where their earnings
support
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 their needs,
thus
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 results in the decline of the major part of the working-class. As stated above,
this
Linking Words
problem
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 can be resolved if
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
government
Use synonyms
 aid them with free accommodation and other benefits.

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coherence
Make sure each paragraph clearly connects to the main topic. This helps the reader follow your ideas more easily.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples, like the survey from Times of India and the situation in Mumbai, strengthened your argument.
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