IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Companies pay salespeople according to how much they sell to customers. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages both to salespeople and customers?

A novel method that some firms implement in terms of salesmen's payment is that they will be paid based on the amount of
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
show examples
 they can
have
Verb problem
make
show examples
 with the
customers
Use synonyms
 and buyers. From my perspective, the drawbacks of
such
Linking Words
 a trend prevail in its potential merits
due to
Linking Words
 below rationales. It seems that it may be an effective procedure, and it makes more
competitiveness
Replace the word
competitive
show examples
 among clerk. The more they could sell, the more money they would make.
Such
Linking Words
 an attitude would be neither in the
advantage
Check wording
interest
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 of sales employees nor the
customers
Use synonyms
. First of all,
customers
Use synonyms
 may find it inconvenient
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to be advised or bothered, in some cases, by sellers
to
Change preposition
about
show examples
 what is more recommended and what is not. Actually, they prefer to purchase out of freedom, not out of any lateral strain, or annoying and redundant
suggests
Replace the word
suggestions
show examples
 that
salesman
Fix the agreement mistake
salesmen
show examples
 provide to guarantee their profits
instead
Linking Words
 of
customers
Use synonyms
' sake.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
possible
thing
Check wording
apply
show examples
that
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unhealthy or destructive
comparison
Fix the agreement mistake
comparisons
show examples
 and competitiveness will form among employees. By illustration, they may persuade each other's consumers to purchase from them or convey a piece of inappropriate information about their rival colleagues in order to win the game of selling more at any cost.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
such
Linking Words
 an idea will promote job productivity and raise the company's revenue, salespeople alter some robots charged
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 selling more and more. I meant that other companionship behaviours,
such
Linking Words
 as
customers
Use synonyms
' rights, welfare, or benefit, place beyond personal incomes.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, there is no doubt that one of the most crucial factors for applicants in the recruitment process is job security and insurance involvement. If they are paid based on their performance on a daily basis, no acute and sustainable commitment will occur.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 the opinion of receiving wages and
incentive
Fix the agreement mistake
incentives
show examples
according to
Linking Words
 the salespeople's sales is profitable for the recruiting firm, I am not convinced that
such
Linking Words
 a trend will assist
sellers'
Correct article usage
the sellers'
show examples
 benefits
as well as
Linking Words
costumers'
Use the right word
customers'
show examples
 convenience and validity
due to
Linking Words
 what I have mentioned.

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task
Make your view clear in the start. State if you think the good parts win or not.
content
Give a balanced view. Add ideas for both sides and a clear final view.
coherence
Link ideas with simple connectors like first, also, but to help flow.
grammar
Check word use and fix big errors that hurt sense.
content
The essay shows a basic idea of why pay by sale may be bad for buyers.
coherence
Some links between ideas are shown, like how money needs can mix with how people act.
conclusion
There is a final line that states the writer’s view.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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