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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries more and more young people are leaving school but unable to find jobs. What problems do you think youth unemployment causes for individuals and the society? What measures should be taken to reduce the level of unemployment among youngsters?

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Youth employment has become a grave concern.
This
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 essay will highlight the effects of
unemployment
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 on individuals and
society
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 and suggest some solutions to mitigate the problem.
Unemployment
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 has a profound impact on young
people
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.
Firstly
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, it affects their psychological and social development. After completing graduation or postgraduation degrees, when
people
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 are not getting
jobs
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according to
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 their qualifications, they feel depressed and stressed. Even in some situations, it leads to drug addiction and suicide. On the societal level, there are many effects. There is increased crime in
society
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, which has a detrimental impact on every individual. Young
people
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 are more energetic and when their energy is not channelled
accordingly
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, there will be violence and crime in
society
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. Poverty is the result of
unemployment
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, which can
also
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 lead to poor health conditions.
This
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 situation
also
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 gives birth to several diseases from which several individuals in
society
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 are suffering.
Consequently
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, when the health conditions in the
society
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 are unstable
society
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 will never grow up. To tackle
this
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 issue, several effective solutions can be implemented. The education system should be reformed. There are several
jobs
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 without suitable
people
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 and many
people
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 without
jobs
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. Students should be encouraged to take up those courses, where there is no dearth of
jobs
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.
Apart from
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this
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, financial assistance from the government in the form of loans or subsidies can
also
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 provide aid in reducing the level of
unemployment
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.
This
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 stance will encourage self-employment for
people
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 who want to become entrepreneurs. In conclusion, youth
unemployment
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 is a serious issue and requires effective steps to reduce it, as it has a negative impact on individuals and
society
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.

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Task Achievement
Consider elaborating further on your main points with more specific examples and elaboration to support your arguments, especially in the societal impacts section.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, use more linking phrases between sentences and paragraphs to strengthen the flow of ideas. For example, 'In addition,' or 'Moreover,' can help transition between points better.
Coherence and Cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are clear, adding a brief summary of the main points in the conclusion could enhance the clarity and impact of your closing argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which helps the reader to follow your arguments easily.
Task Achievement
You effectively identify both personal and societal impacts of youth unemployment, presenting a well-rounded view of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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