IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that success is the best measure for intelligence, while others think that intelligence can be measured in other ways. what is your opinion?

#people #success #measure #intelligence
Intelligence
 is
function
Suggestion
a function
 which has been evaluated since the beginning of the human being. It cannot be measured only in one way
(
Accept space
(
like amount of money
on
Suggestion
in
bank account
Suggestion
a bank account
the bank account
) it should be the sum of different points of view like wisdom, aids, which were reached during
life time period
Suggestion
the life time period
, and style of life. Some people suggest that
intelligence
 should be measured by
success
 of
person
Suggestion
people
, while others think that
this
 is not the only way. In my
opinion I
Accept comma addition
opinion, I
 partly agree with both sides of
discussion
Suggestion
the discussion
 and will prove you my point of view. Life
success
 is something what can be reached without any
intelligence
. No need to be a highly educated to earn a lot of money or buy a new car, here only your attempts count and
your
second person pronoun; the person addressed
you
 wish to work really hard.
That Is
 why
success
 cannot be the tool of measurement of
intelligence
. It is quite obvious, that the smart person, or who has got an incredible level of development of the
intelligence
, will not show
this
 to everybody, especially
by
Suggestion
in
 the way of demonstrating
for
Suggestion
to
 the world his expensive cars or yachts or something like that. Clever persons have other types of goals which they
want reach
Suggestion
want to reach
. Some of them write the books, built something for new for the development of humanity or try to find the meaning of life. Anyway
,
Accept space
,
 I totally against of process of measure of the
intelligence
 by the
success
. Highly intellectual
people do
Accept comma addition
people, do
 not worry about
such
 small thinks like money, their minds somewhere in space are busy
by
Suggestion
with
 the dreams about
galaxy
Suggestion
galaxies
the galaxy
 and their actions connect with something what concerned infinity.
Submitted by Мария Сидельникова on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: