More and more people are becoming serious overweight. Some people think that a solution can be to increase the price of fattening food. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #price #food

Nowadays, a considerable number of people are gaining

weight

significantly. It is thought by some that a surge in the cost of

food

items that cause obesity, is the possible way to

takle

accept as a challenge

tackle

this

problem. In my opinion, I consider that overweight issue of people can not be mitigated by

price increase

Suggestion

the price increase

price increases

of products because people's yearning for those

food

products is difficult to control.

To begin

, these days people enticed by junk fast

food

and various other products that are responsible for

tremendous

Suggestion

the tremendous weight gain

weight

gain. Some people believe that rise in the price of these junk

food

could dissuade people to buy these things but I disagree due to several reasons. People, who love to eat junk

food

, purchase these

food

Suggestion

foods

regardless of their cost.

For example

, if someone is addicted to drink fizzy soft drink that contain high

sugar

Accept comma addition

sugar, such

such

as, Coke,

Suggestion

as Coke,

Pepsi and several others,

then

person

Suggestion

a person

people

the person

could

not stop drinking of

Suggestion

not stop drinking

these drinks

evenafter

Suggestion

even after

surge

Suggestion

the surge

in their prices.

Moreover

, these days, people are leading highly

paced extremely

Accept comma addition

paced, extremely

busy life with

hectic schedule

Suggestion

a hectic schedule

hectic schedules

and they are having considerable less time to cook,

therefore

, they love to order

food

items from fast

food

outlets that adversely affect their health.

For instance

, due to shortage of time, people generally buy Pizza, Burger

etc

continuing in the same way

etc.

, from

resturants

a building where people go to eat

restaurants

restaurant

restraints

and

this

habit of regularly having these meals, has a

deterimental

(sometimes followed by 'to') causing harm or injury

detrimental

impact on physical and mental well being. In conclusion, people think that the price increase of obesity causing products, could effectively control

weight

gain, but I believe that

this

can not control the concerning issue of

weight

gain. To tackle

this

problem,

government

Suggestion

the government

should provide awareness about the harmful effects of some

food

items on health.

Submitted by cool01 on Wed Aug 05 2020

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

283 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.5

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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