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Band 4

Health experts believe that walking is a good exercise for health. However people are walking less nowadays. Why this is happening? How can people be encouraged to walk more.?

#health #experts #exercise #people
Generally, doctors recommend everyone to walk daily for 1-2 hours
for having
Change preposition
to have
show examples
 better health.
Although
Correct word choice
However
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, individuals in
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
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 era do not have enough time for
this
due to
 the advancement of technology
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 they do not feel safe outside.
This
 essay will elaborate on both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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views. Earlier, there were no widgets or interactive
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
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, if someone
has
Wrong verb form
had
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 to make a call he
need
Wrong verb form
needed
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 to go and stand in PCO, STD or ISD booth for a long time to book his call and keep roaming around till his turn
comes
Wrong verb form
came
show examples
.
Secondly
,
while
 going
for
Change preposition
to
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office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
 one
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 to walk miles
due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of transportation facilities. Which always keeps individuals fit and they
also
 manage to complete their work on time.
Lastly
,
people
were
Verb problem
who are
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 fit as well
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 less number of diseases as their daily routine involves lots of physical activities. Recently, humans have so many options available to them
due to
 cutting-edge
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
technology that they can do many things without moving from their chair.
Furthermore
, there are a lot of mobile applications using which one can order food, pay their bills and get a taxi. Because of
this
 comfort
people
 are not walking at all, they are simply sitting and relaxing getting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
things done using mobiles.
In addition
, these interactive applications are
also
 being used for official
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
 where anyone can call
individual
Correct article usage
an individual
show examples
 at any point and they have to respond to survive in the competitive environment. Government and Employers should step up for their nation's health and employees respectively, where they can help in making nice and safe
pedestrians
Fix the agreement mistake
pedestrian
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 walking place where
people
 can love to walk and some competition
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to be arranged which will encourage
people
 to participate
to stay
Change preposition
in staying
show examples
 fit. In order
to conclude
, walking is essential for all the
people
 of the society
stay
Fix the infinitive
to stay
show examples
 fit and everyone needs to make a routine in their life. There is
also
 a saying healthy person
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 nation makes
wealthy
Add an article
a wealthy
show examples
 nation.
Submitted by sd.lamba on

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task response
The essay does not fully address the reasons why people are walking less nowadays. It is important to focus on answering the prompt completely and thoroughly.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they lack clarity and conciseness. The essay's coherence could be improved by structuring the ideas more effectively and providing clearer connections between the main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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