The modern life is harmful for people as it brings a lot of pressure and reduces quality of relationships. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Nowadays, the world is developing, and
people
have
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
modern life than in the past.
However
, some
people
think that it is baneful because it brings a
lot
of pressure and the quality of relationships is
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduced
show examples
while
others do
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
.
While
I agree that
people
do not get closer to each other, I disagree that
people
may be
stressful
Replace the word
stressed
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. On the one hand, I agree that the quality of personal relationships now is decreasing.
For example
, Facebook, Instagram, and so on
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
are the most popular social media in the world. They attract
people
to use so that they only contact through those apps and do not want to hang out. If
people
go to
the a
Choose an article
the
a
show examples
café or
the a
Choose an article
the
a
show examples
restaurant, they
don’t
talk much, and use their phones
instead
.
People
in the city
don’t
have much free time to meet their friends or relatives because they work a
lot
to have money to raise their family families.
Nevertheless
, I disagree that modern life brings a
lot
of pressure.
First,
there are many places to relax
such
as cinemas, parks,…
Secondly
, there are robots to help
people
to do the housework, to buy things,…
For example
, if you are too tired after a
hard-working
Correct your spelling
hard working
show examples
day, and you have to clean your house or feed your pets, a robot will help you.
Finally
, the internet can give information to anything that
people
don’t
know, so they
don’t
have to worry. In conclusion,
while
modern life reduces the quality of relationships, I
don’t
think that it brings a
lot
of pressure
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
.
Submitted by Andy on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph and point connects logically to the next.
task response
Ensure that you fully address the question prompt. Your essay does not fully respond to the question and lacks depth in some areas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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