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Band 6.5

Some people say that giving a smaller amount of money weekly to children will help them become more capable as they grow older. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #amount #money #children
There is no way to earn some
money
 at an early age,
such
 as school kids. So giving a small amount of
money
 may essential to kids.
However
, it is debatable that even the small amount of
money
 may negatively affect their
money
management
 skill and less gratitude of salary. It is agreed that offering a small allowance will totally worthy of developing their
management
 skills. So,
this
 essay will elaborate on the views of financial
management
 and the recognition of
money
.
Firstly
, the reason why more and more parents are giving a small allowance to kids on a daily basis that, they hope to focus on one's purpose and learn the appreciation of
money
. Attending school may stressful because of a heavy workload.
For instance
, spending their small allowance to buy a new toy or spending a night with friends would be therapeutic for kids' mental health.
Also
 not only the young can have the small amount of
money
 at their disposal, they can have a fund in case of emergency.
In addition
, it is
also
 significant to express one's love with presents by the
money
 that parents saved up for an extended period.
Hence
, handing in
money
 to kids is fulfilled with the advantages.
This
 essay readily draws a conclusion before giving an attention to side effects of giving
money
 to kids, we must put the downside of effects before judging whether every parent should allow kids to have cash or not. Overspending bill on antisocial or illegal activities, children will ruin their future and become a social vice and gather with gangs all day without any progress of academic and personal growth. On top of that, the children failed to realize how much effort their parents have put into because of receiving
money
 without having to work.
As a result
, juveniles do not express their appreciation toward either cash or parents. In summary, it points me to conclude that giving school students' fund can be a beneficial to build up their financial
management
, but in practice, it may lead them to a wrong path of life.
Submitted by 室谷寛樹 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial responsibility
  • independence
  • financial literacy
  • work ethic
  • effort and reward
  • impulsive purchases
  • budgeting skills
  • critical thinking
  • sense of entitlement
  • modest amounts
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