IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

People aim to achieve a balance between their work and lives, but few people achieve it. what are the causes of this problem? How lo overcome il?

#people #aim #balance #work #lives #il
It has become a challenge to make ends meet in
this
 stressful
life
. In times of so
much
Suggestion
many
 people strive to strike a balance between their professional and personal lives.
However
, many fail to achieve
this
 because of
greater
Suggestion
the great
work
 commitments.
Nonetheless
,
this
 can be solved if people
detremine
establish after a calculation, investigation, experiment, survey, or study
determine
determined
 to prioritise their personal
life
 as much their professional
life
.
To begin
 with,
work
 pressure hasn't been greater than what it is now. People are burdened with so many responsibilities, tasks and goals to achieve. Because of increased competitiveness, the employers
are set
Suggestion
are setting
set
have set
 higher goal standards and to
chieve
to gain with effort
achieve
give
 those, they have to spend longer time at
work
, or they face the risk of being demoted or fired. And in today's fast paced world, you cannot afford it.
Hence
, people spend hours setting new benchmarks, to provide for their family, but end up neglecting
then
objective case of they
them
 the most. Not just
this
, the employer, focuses more on
work
achievement but
Accept comma addition
achievement, but
 on the fact the number of hours spent in the company. He's considered more hard working and appreciated more. To solve these issues, emphasis should be laid on smart
work
instead
 of hard
work
.
Deadline
Suggestion
The deadline
 can be given to the employers without increasing the working hours. The employers
also
, once they are out of the office, should not focus on any
work
 related discussions and spend more time with their family. In countries like,
Morway
a constitutional monarchy in northern Europe on the western side of the Scandinavian Peninsula; achieved independence from Sweden in 1905
Norway
 and Seden, the Government has made 4 days working to allow the employers and employees to focus on their
in
Suggestion
on
 personal
life
 equally. In developing nations, people
work
 7 days a week.
Submitted by aakshika29 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Work-life balance: The equilibrium between personal life and career work.
  • Burnout: Physical or mental collapse caused by overwork or stress.
  • Time management: The process of organizing and planning how to divide your time between different activities.
  • Financial pressures: Economic demands that might force someone to prioritize work over personal life.
  • Overcommitting: Taking on more responsibilities than one can handle.
  • Technological advancements: Innovations in technology that make it easier to stay connected to work outside of office hours.
  • Societal expectations: Cultural norms and beliefs that influence people's behavior and decisions.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: