IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Goverments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#goverments #support #artists #people #waste #money
Some people argue about the financial support given to artists is wasteful of money and should provide to other departments, while others believe that
art
 needs that monetary help. I think that there are important sectors that desperately need government support much more than
art
. On the one hand,
art
 has several benefits for our society.
For example
,
art
 helps to preserve and transmit the cultural and historical heritage from generation to generation.
For instance
, the Egyptians have maintained their
art
 for 50000 years ago.
Therefore their
Accept comma addition
Therefore, their
 country is one of the significant cites for tourism in the whole world now.
Moreover
, preserving their artwork does not only kept their
heritage but
Accept comma addition
heritage, but
also
 serve their economy because their
art
 has a high value.
However
, I believe that
education
 and
healthcare
Suggestion
health care
 are much more important than
art
 because they fundamental to every person.
On the other hand
,
education
 and
healthcare
 play a significant role in
people
Suggestion
peoples'
peoples
 lives. In many undeveloped and developed countries, there are millions of people that do not have access to safe drinking water, even proper
education
.
Therefore
, the unemployment rate has increased because
education
 is fundamental for work.
In addition
,
defunding
 the hospitals put a massive strain on
healthcare
Suggestion
health care
 services leads to an increase in the waiting list and spread diseases because doctors and all the health team will not work without sufficient salary. I think that state spending should give to
education
 and health sectors because they Important for peoples' survival. In conclusion, I believe that the government should pay attention to the most critical sectors that need monetary support more like
education
 and
healthcare
Suggestion
health care
, which serve the community needs more than
art
.
Submitted by to0ota_787 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: