Some people like to spend their leisure time with their colleagues while others prefer to keep their private life separate from their work life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
It is often said that
people
usually spend their spare time with their coworkers, whereas
others enjoy their privacy after work. Both sides have different advantages and drawbacks. From my perspective, I partially agree with this
notion and will elaborate on it in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
, taking free time with workmates demonstrates healthier relationships, which can help you develop soft skills, hard skills, and social knowledge. One of the greatest reasons to attend coworkers' activities is the opportunity to connect with the managers at work, hence
, you will get a promotion more easily. Also
, there is no better way to become well-known at work, especially if you are a newcomer than to spend a leisure
day with your workmates.
Replace the word
leisurely
However
, joining in many activities while
being an introverted person will drain your energy very fast. According to
some people
, navigating a party or even a tea break can lower their energy levels because of being surrounded by an unknown community, thus
, they will have to strive their communication skills to connect with others. Furthermore
, after spending time with crowds, these people
need their own space to recharge their batteries by doing their hobbies alone. As a result
, these people
would like to use their after-work life to be alone.
In conclusion, I think that employees should focus on their career goals, not only to have plans for them but also
to know how to use their out-of-work hours effectively. There is no doubt that you will get a better life by knowing who you are.Submitted by beautytear13 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a good logical structure, but try to make the transitions between paragraphs smoother. This will help in improving the natural flow of the essay.
task achievement
You have addressed both views and provided your own opinion, which is great. However, try to include more relevant, specific examples to support your points, especially when discussing introverted individuals.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction sets the tone well and the conclusion effectively wraps up your discussion. This shows clear understanding and planning.
task achievement
You have made good points about both sides of the issue and shown a balanced view. This demonstrates a clear, comprehensive understanding of the topic.