IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

MamadjonovSamandar: Topic: Many doctors are concerned about the high use of computer games by children and young people. Task: what are the advantages and disadvantages of children playing computer games?

#mamadjonovsamandar #topic #doctors #computer #games #children #people
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no doubt that playing video games is one of the main concerns of parents and doctors these days. The question is, What are the advantages and disadvantages of the gaming and its effect on children? In terms of disadvantages, games in general consume a lot of time.
However
Linking Words
, video games are more dangerous than physical games because of the harmful rays come from the screen.
For instance
Linking Words
, eye doctors argue that the child whom spend more than two hours a day would be expected to get infected to be blinded after 60 by 50% than others.
Besides
Linking Words
, children play on the computer frequently are more introverted than other children who like to play in gardens and parks.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some adults get some financial benefits from video games, but they ruined their lives by consuming plenty of time on gaming and refuse to study. In order to be famous and get a lot of views they spend hole the day on playing. In conclusion, disadvantages are more than the benefits. As I mentioned, even to get advantage from gaming you have to ruin your life and stop everything else. The sequences of playing on the computer are extremely harmful and all the doctors advise to cut or reduce the time consumed on computers.
Submitted by baykalmeliksah on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive skills
  • problem-solving
  • strategic thinking
  • hand-eye coordination
  • mental agility
  • critical thinking
  • educational purposes
  • interactive learning
  • multiplayer games
  • teamwork
  • communication skills
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • obesity
  • poor posture
  • repetitive strain injuries
  • mental health
  • addiction
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • social withdrawal
  • academic performance
  • family relationships
  • inappropriate content
  • behavioral effects
What to do next:
Look at other essays: