IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

In some cultures, children are told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children these messages?

#cultures #children #messages
It is sometimes argued that nurturing the young generation by teaching them the quote that they can obtain anything if they have enough effort, is the leading factor in children’ future development.
This
 essay will discuss both major benefits and the obvious drawbacks of
this
 trend. On the one hand, educating children that they can do anything as long as they set their minds to it brings considerable benefits.
Firstly
,
this
 will encourage not only their effort, but
also
 the industriousness. More specifically, their determination and motivation will be boosted significantly, which could enable them to achieve valuable things and gain success in the future.
Secondly
, the method keeps adolescents optimistic even when they fail.
Consequently
, when children grow into adults, if there were taught that persistence and hard work will help encountering the hardship, they will stay motivated and not give up easily.
On the other hand
, children who follow
this
 message will face
to
being one more than one
two
 potential problems.
To begin
 with, due to the belief that everything is achievable, they could become arrogant, daydreaming and set unrealistic goal.
For instance
, juveniles will think that they could become a billionaire at the age of sixteen and end up with crime commitment
such
 as robbery or burglary because they invest all of their effort to reach the target.
Moreover
, the youth may push themselves to limits which could damage their health seriously.
For example
, students nowadays spend all the time to study since their desires is to be school top students,
therefore
, they may encounter both mental and physical health
such
 as anxiety, stress or obesity. In conclusion,
although
 imposing an opinion on juveniles that they can acquire certain
things whethe
Accept comma addition
things, whether
r having a strong determination can promote their future development,
Submitted by Andy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: