IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Students should be taught academic knowledge so that they can pass exams, and skills such as cooking or dressing should not be taught. To what extent do you agree/disagree?

#students #exams #skills
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Some convinced that students should learn academic
knowledge
Use synonyms
 to take their exams and ignore some subjects
such
Linking Words
 as dressing or cooking.
On the contrary
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, I believe that it is necessary for them to learn useful courses either how to cook or how to make clothes. There are various reasons why people might argue that students only focus on learning academic subjects. These courses are regarded as core subjects at school that provide
knowledge
Use synonyms
 about history, geography, literature, mathematic. When students absorb
these
Suggestion
this knowledge
knowledge
Use synonyms
 they will have completely
understanding
Suggestion
understood
 about life and social.
Additionally
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, it is thought that occupation related to thinking will get high-pay salary and work in
great environment
Suggestion
a great environment
, so parents tend to want their children have a better occupation in the future that related to academic subjects.
On the other hand
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, some courses like cooking or dressing are
also
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 important. Without cooking courses, children could not have
chance
Suggestion
a chance
the chance
 to know how to cook and
then
Linking Words
 they do not have
ability
Suggestion
the ability
 to live independently. They could make much money to have meals at luxury
restaurants but
Accept comma addition
restaurants, but
 they are not able to cook any special meals for their friends or family.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is more beneficial for students to learn dressing courses because they can easily apply
for
Suggestion
to
 their life in some way like saw clothes or design some shirts.
Thus
Linking Words
, soft skills are pivotal in children’s
leaning
the cognitive process of acquiring skill or knowledge
learning
. In conclusion, with
learning academic
Accept comma addition
learning, academic
knowledge
Use synonyms
 students and necessary skills children will have the opportunities to develop and achieve
greatly
Suggestion
greater
great
greatest
 success in life.
Submitted by Andy on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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