IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

today,many poeple are suffering from health problms because of fast food the gouvernement should tax higher fast foud what is your opinion about this?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, the number of people suffering from
health
Use synonyms
 problems related to the exaggeration of eating fast
food
Use synonyms
 is in constant increasing,
that is
Linking Words
 why many people argue that the government should impose a higher tax on
this
Linking Words
 kind of
food
Use synonyms
. Personally, I agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion for the following reasons;
Firstly
Linking Words
, the quality of
food
Use synonyms
 we eat has a direct impact on our
health
Use synonyms
, our body cannot function well if we don't give it the best quality of nutrients it needs. As we know junk
food
Use synonyms
 is very low quality and rich in fat and sugar, which are harmful
for
Suggestion
to
 our well being,
as a result
Linking Words
, people suffer from blood pressure, cardiovascular diseases, obesity and diabetes
otherwise
Linking Words
 if government doesn't take decision to limit
this
Linking Words
 type of commerce in a few years we will get a sick society.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the pace of increasing of the
health
Use synonyms
 diseases related to poor diet cost the government a lot,
for example
Linking Words
 the investment in infrastructures like hospitals and other equipment’s and medicines need an important budget, we know that sickness as cancer and diabetes need a special attention, in many countries the governments are in charge of minimum 70 % of the total fees, at Least
this
Linking Words
 tax could contribute for
this
Linking Words
 purposes,
also
Linking Words
 it can help with financing awareness
health
Use synonyms
 campaign to make people more aware about their healthcare .
Finally
Linking Words
, the consumption of fast
food
Use synonyms
 makes people sick, which affect the economy, in other meaning when an employee is ill probably he can't focus at 100% on his work, he needs time to heal himself, and with the highest rate of absence
as a result
Linking Words
 he is not efficient, so that his productivity would be low.
For instance
Linking Words
 a company with a certain number of unhealthy employees would be impacted
firstly
Linking Words
 in the turnover
secondly
Linking Words
 in the financial situation because of the
health
Use synonyms
 insurances supported. To conclude think that according to the its dangers on
health
Use synonyms
 junk
food
Use synonyms
 should be taxed at the same rate as alcohol and tobacco to dissuade the investment in
this
Linking Words
 field, limit access and push people to cook healthy dishes at home which would have amazing benefited of their
health
Use synonyms
, keep fit and stay in shape.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: