There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

#music #world #country

With the advancement of technology, a wide variety of

music

is more easily accessible through our electronic devices. Some people argue that conventional

music

is still important while others reckon that international

music

is more welcoming. In my opinion, contemporary

music

is more important than traditional

music

. Admittedly,

music

plays an important role in people’s life. The

first

reason why we listen to

music

so often is that it can alter our mood and relieve our stress.

Music

has the ability to induce our inner self and stimulate our expression of emotion. We feel joyful and calm while we are enjoying pleasurable

music

. Meanwhile, a touching love song can smooth our sorrow and heal our wounds.

For example

music

connects people who resonate with a same song. It creates a mutual connection between participants, regardless of their ethnic background, sex or age. From my perspective, international

music

should be valued over traditional

music

Firstly

, international

music

can facilitate better connection between foreigners and locals.

For instance

, some foreigners usually find it difficult to understand old-fashioned

music

from different countries due to the lack of understanding of local language and cultural background.

In contrast

, international

music

is a mainstream genre which the majority of people can understand and listen to.

As a result

this

form of connection breaks the language and region barriers between foreigners and locals.

Secondly

, international

music

is more prone to

bringing

Suggestion

bring

about considerable profit owing to its popularity. Pop

music

for instance

, is widely accepted in

mass media

Suggestion

the mass media

and musicians should make more pop songs in order to seek for more exposure and fit into the need of

audience

Suggestion

the audience

an audience

Therefore

, they can receive more profits from

licensing

Suggestion

Licensing

their opera to the media company, selling albums as well as producing live performance. To sum up, international

music

foster stronger bonding between individuals and contribute to higher income when compared to traditional

music

Thus

, it is clear that international

music

should be given more credits.

Submitted by harryyikhchan on Fri Aug 28 2020

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Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
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Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

326 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people think that the best way to stay fit is by joining a gym, while others think doing everyday activities such as walking and climbing stairs is sufficient. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Young people are often influenced in their behaviours and situations by others in the same age. This is called “peer pressure”. Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages?

Global warming is one of the biggest threats humans face in the 21st Century, and sea levels continue to rise at alarming rates. What problems are associated with this, and what are some possible solutions?

Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are most successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are most successful. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?