IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries, criminal trials are shown on television for the public. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

In salad days of the millennium, local media
telecasting
Replace the word
telecast
show examples
 the prisoner
trails
Use the right word
trials
show examples
 for the citizens throughout the year.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 offers a few advantages,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
there are
also
Linking Words
 some disadvantages which are worth considering. There are two main benefits to telecasting or broadcasting
such
Linking Words
 events. The main advantage is that all the trials of the criminal activities will create awareness
to
Change preposition
among
show examples
 the
people
Use synonyms
. In many
countries
Use synonyms
, there is a
quite number
Correct word choice
significant
show examples
 increase in illegal activities in the neighbourhood
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as human trafficking, child abuse and drug mafia. These are the most pressing issues for the government where the prisoners are sentenced to death. Another advantage is that it will enhance the power of the local government towards the crime rate. By broadcasting the
punishments
Punctuation problem
punishments,
show examples
 the local bodies are loyal to the
people
Use synonyms
 who elected them as a ruling party. The Asian
countries
Use synonyms
 are prime examples, where the
rime
Use the right word
prime
show examples
 rate in recent years reduced from 80% to 60 % when it is compared to 90% to 85%
last
Linking Words
 year.
As a result
Linking Words
,
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
 crimes
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 live a peaceful life.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, various drawbacks may be noted. A major disadvantage is that when
this
Linking Words
 stream
in
Verb problem
is in
show examples
 media and without
age
Correct article usage
an age
show examples
limit
Punctuation problem
limit,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 will watch these trials.
This
Linking Words
 will lead young children or older
people
Use synonyms
 to panic
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is not
advisable
Punctuation problem
advisable,
show examples
 even though for small trials. The disturbing scenes should
need to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
be blocked
while
Linking Words
 streaming.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, it will affect the
Use synonyms
countries
Check wording
country's
show examples
 reputation in the world. In the world of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
, these videos will circulate
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 all platforms
namely
Punctuation problem
, namely
show examples
 Facebook, YouTube and Twitter
where
Punctuation problem
, where
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 will migrate to
such
Linking Words
countries
Use synonyms
. To illustrate, The New York Times magazine issued an article about the telecast and
dissatisfaction
Correct article usage
the dissatisfaction
show examples
 of that country. In conclusion, if
this
Linking Words
 has been streamed online
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
, people
show examples
 will think before committing crimes.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 will
also
Linking Words
 affect the
country
Check wording
country's
show examples
 growth.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is necessary to weigh the benefits against the drawbacks carefully before coming to
decision
Correct article usage
a decision
show examples
 as to broadcast
such
Linking Words
 incidents.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence
Link ideas with simple words and clear transitions to improve flow.
task
Be clear about your view at the end; state if advantages outweigh disadvantages.
structure
Use one main idea per paragraph and add a short example.
language
Check grammar and keep sentences short for easy reading.
content
The essay tries to cover both sides and has a closing point.
structure
Some examples are used to back up points.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: