Some people believe that the government should spend more money putting in more works of art like paintings and statues in cities to make them better places to live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree
Nowadays, some
people
support the idea that the government
should invest a higher amount of money in the form of arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
such
as painting
and statues. Fix the agreement mistake
paintings
This
, in
order to make places more liveable. I agree with Add a missing verb
is in
this
view because investing in art
is a good way to promote economic growth in the cities
.
A part of the population could be against this
view as they might consider other investments more important. Some people
support the idea that instead
of investing in art
, the government
should invest in education and industrial development. Society needs professionals in different fields to become a better place to live in. This
because
companies can not grow up without the right human resources. Add a missing verb
is because
Also
, some people
might prefer to see investments for the creation of new companies because it will generate more job opportunities for the community. Lastly
, Art
is not considered as something essential or important in some places. People
are increasingly ignoring the value of art
. For example
, rather than visiting the galleries or the museums, they prefer to go to a pub or to the cinema.
However
, art
can help cities
potentially to
become Verb problem
apply
a
better Correct article usage
apply
place
to live in. Most of the Fix the agreement mistake
places
cities
in the world make a great deal of money from different forms of art
. That is the case of Paris, France where a great deal of money comes from the museums' earnings and tourism. If the government
embraces strategies to support artists and painters economically, there will be paintings, sculptures and monuments to show to the public. As a result
, cities
will be rich in art
forms and more people
might be encouraged to choose these places as their next travel destination. When cities
experience a high number of visitors, restaurants, hotels and travel agencies are
monetarily Verb problem
apply
benefited
from it, which might increase Wrong verb form
benefit
the
economic growth, Correct article usage
apply
thus
becoming a better place to live.
In conclusion, Although
there are a lot of people
who are against art
development, it is true that it brings more revenue to the cities
. It provides a fair economic model where the government
will get payback as long as they
Correct pronoun usage
it
invest
in it.Correct subject-verb agreement
invests
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Task Response
Task Response: The essay provides a clear opinion and supports it with relevant arguments. The response remains focused on the topic, and the ideas are relevant to the task. However, there is room for improvement in illustrating a balanced view of the opposing perspective.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay demonstrates a logical organization with a clear introduction and conclusion. The ideas are presented coherently with relevant examples to support the main points. However, there is a need to improve the linkage of ideas within paragraphs to enhance coherence.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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